One of the scariest things someone can ask you is “What do you want?”.
If it’s someone who doesn’t seem that interested or someone who doesn’t make you feel like sharing, you can easily shrug it off with, “What everyone wants, of course, darling, a petit chateau in the Alps, a gorgeous lover and diamond earrings.”
But when it is asked by someone who cares, someone who looks you in the eye because they really want to pay attention to your answer, well, that’s another story. That gets scary.
Desires (what you want and how you want to feel) are scary because they are the truth. The truth is scary because it’s real. Being real is scary because it means you are vulnerable. Being vulnerable is scary because it means you can be rejected/deserted/laughed at/scorned/attacked.
Fear prevents us from doing lots of things we should. And when we feel fear facing a situation that is not life-threatening, there is a message in that fear. In my experience, where we feel the fear is where we have the most opportunity to grow.
I have learned a lot from fear. Without a doubt, it has always signalled to me that if I wanted to grow and to truly know myself, I needed to do what I was afraid of. Damn.
Sometimes you need to stay when you want to run. Talk when you want to be quiet. Let your guard down when everything in your body is screaming at you to put your walls up higher. And then, you reach the glory that was sitting there all the time, just behind the fear.
We all feel fear. Face fear. Sometimes it wins. And sometimes, we do.
Both of the programs I teach – the Juicy Woman Revolution and The Desire Map workshop – bring up a lot of fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not “doing it right”. Fear of being the only one who feels that way. Fear of looking vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable. Fear of being without masks, disguises, personas. Fear of what you might really want and who you might really be.
And yet. Even with this fear, women take a step forward. There is a wise place inside of them saying “You can do this. I got you. It’s time”. And they listen.
Really looking at your life and how you feel in it and then how you want to feel is scary. It is also freeing. Exhilarating. Mind-expanding. Heart-swelling. Nourishing. Releasing. Peaceful.
So if you feel drawn to either the Juicy Woman Revolution course (returning October 2015) or The Desire Map workshop (Saturday, June 13th and Sunday, June 14th) but you feel afraid, see if you can listen to that other voice. See if you can use the fear to climb higher.
I got this quote about fear from a Marie Forleo interview with Colleen Saidman Yee, a yoga instructor. I don’t know the exact origins of the quote; only that Marie referred to it as “the buddhist meditation about fear”.
It knocked my socks off. Here it is.
Just sit. Notice where you feel hard, and sit with that.
In the middle of that hardness, you’ll feel anger; sit with that.
Go to the centre of the anger and you’ll probably come to sadness.
Stay with the sadness until it turns to vulnerability.
Keep sitting with what comes up; the deeper you dig, the more tender you become.
Raw fear can open into the wide expanse of genuineness, compassion, gratitude, and acceptance in the present moment.
A tender heart appears naturally when you are able to stay present.
From your heart, you can see the true pigment of the sky.
You can see the vibrant yellow of the sunflower and the deep blue of your daughter’s eyes.
A tender heart doesn’t block out rainclouds or tears or dying sunflowers.
Allow both beauty and sadness to touch you. This is love, not fear.
So the next time you feel that fear, take a deep breath and ask yourself if there is a message inside that fear. Are you facing a big opportunity for you to grow, know yourself more or feel more at peace?
And then. Kick some fear ass.
If you want to join me for some fear-ass-kicking, join me at The Desire Map workshop on Saturday, June 13th and Sunday, June 14th.
As always, thank you. And what does the above quote mean to you? Is there something there that seems especially designed for you? Use the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts about it.