A summer of surrender…and a fall of getting naked

September 14, 2016

New York, a book title I can’t write here and total ramblings…

September 14, 2016

I went all the way to SF to break down

September 14, 2016
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Earlier this year, I attended a day retreat with Sarah Jenks and Nisha Moodley. I didn’t know much about either of these women but I had been on their email lists for a while and working at home by myself can really be isolating so every once in a while, I leap out of my chair and just grab onto something that connects me to women going through the same struggles.

So, I bought a ticket to the retreat and then realized that I would also need a ticket to get to San Francisco, which is where the retreat was. Hmm, not to worry. It’s not the first time I’ve done this – I get really excited and carried away and impulsive and then work out the details later. This side of me is crazy….but I like her.

The plan was to have a bit of time there both before and after the retreat. I’ve learned that I need time to digest what I’ve experienced at a retreat before I head home because if I go home too early, it all gets blasted out of me by children, a household and the rush of regular life.

Something happened to me on this trip that surprised me, overwhelmed me and then steered me towards making a whole new commitment to myself.

I had a total break-down.

The day after the retreat, I spent a few hours in my hotel room, just going through what I had learned, thinking about the direction I wanted my business to go in, figuring out how to combine my work with my very real and necessary life and I thought that was it.

And then, I started to do some movement because I really needed to shake up my body and get my energy moving. And something happened when I got out of my brain and into my body because I suddenly started weeping. No, it didn’t look like a movie shot, me sitting, beautifully vulnerable with choreographed silver tears gently running down my model-like cheek bones. It was ugly and messy: I was contorted by the wailing. Something in me was cracking open. I was on the floor of my hotel room, falling apart.

Getting to the reason for intense emotion can sometimes feel like being in a jungle, hacking through the density with a machete, thinking, where is it? And then, like a ray of light, it appears.

I feel so alone. I need more support. I can’t do this without more support. This life, this work, this me.

I need support.

For the first time in my life, that was a call that I heard from my heart and my body. You can’t do this alone. You are not meant to do this alone. You don’t have to do this alone. Girl, go and get yourself some support!

So that became a new commitment I made to myself. To get the support I needed to be able to do this. All of this. I need support for when I can’t go on. I need support where I can be vulnerable and show everything in trust. I need support for my life. Support for my work. Support for it all.

And that created new practices for me to ramp up the support in my life. The practices have forced me to reach out for help. To initiate conversations. To say that I need help. To admit it. And it’s been such a great gift to me. To lay down the burden of needing to do it all by myself.

We all need support. We are not meant to do this alone. 

And that is one of the things that I love the best about live events. Being with other women. In the flesh. Feeling their need and their yearnings and also feeling their love and support. When we come together in a spirit of sisterhood and love, incredible shifts happen. Join us on October 15th, 2016 at the JWR full-day retreat and become part of that magic.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Where might you need more support these days? How can we all learn from what you’ve experienced about getting (or not) the support you need in your life?

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