Last week, I said that I was going to share my thoughts on how to feel like a sexual and sensual woman. Even when you don’t have partner. Even when you are pissed off and tired. Even when you are not having sex. Even when you think you will never feel full of desire again. Even when you feel totally disconnected from your own skin. Even when.
Mojo, baby. Mojo. Yeah!
About a year ago, I had a revealing and ultimately freeing realization. I did not feel sexy. This was a big one for me because I had built a business, a persona and a life around being sexy. The embodiment of sexy. The confidence of sexy. This sexiness I had was part natural fire, part lifestyle (performing and teaching “sexy” dancing) and part love life (available and yearning and always feeling the excitement of about-to-meet-the-next-one).
When everything about that scenario changed – my natural fire had been dampened by life, my lifestyle didn’t include teaching and performing anymore (blocked, temporarily, by babies) and I was married (not feeling the excitement of about-to-meet-the-next-one anymore) – my feelings of sexiness took a dive.
Hmm, I thought. (After feeling quite blue and sniffly.)
Of course, my first response was to look to the outside to MAKE ME FEEL SEXY! There were lots of strong feelings about resentment, blame and why-don’t-you-make-me-feel-the-way-I-want-to-feel? And then, just underneath all of that, I had another revealing/breakthrough thought. It wasn’t that the world didn’t make me feel sexy. It was that I DIDN’T FEEL SEXY.
After lots of thinking and truth-searching, I realized that I had to start with me. That what I wanted to feel had to come from me. Not from anyone else. Because if it came from someone else and I still didn’t feel it, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t what I wanted. And I didn’t think it was fair to expect anyone else to make me feel a certain way. And I also didn’t want anyone else to have that power over me.
So what is a girl to do? A simple, fun-loving girl who just wants to feel sexy, in touch with lust and feel like her sensuality is still evolving, growing and expanding?
Well, like any good girl, she starts learning. And that’s what I did. I found books, online courses and discussions that were great inspiration. And I also turned the power of my own wisdom and intuition towards this opportunity. I decided that my whole sex life was going to revolve around me for a while. Me, me, me. I wanted to spend time and effort on my sexuality, not connected with anyone else. What was my sexual essence? How could I feel sexually alive in my body? How could I fall in love with sensations again? What turned me on? I got selfish and greedy and it felt great.
If I wanted to feel sexy again, it was going to be an inside job. I would have to infuse, build-up, create, unleash and drench every cell in my body with sexiness. With good ole fashioned hard work.
(And by the way, I think that maintaining your mojo and a connection to your sexuality is a discipline. Requires work. Just like making your pleasure a priority. Just like putting your own needs higher up the food chain. Just like reaching for more and wanting more in your life. It is not the easy way to live; it is the harder way to live. But, oh my. So bloody worth it.)
First things first. If you want to feel more sexual, more sensual, more juicy and alive in your body, turn your focus and attention inwards. Forgot the outside for a bit. Go on a staycation.
(If you’d like to spend some time connecting with your sexual essence, join me for a workshop in February, March or April. Find the details here.)
More to come next week. In the meantime, just the simple act of thinking about your sensuality as something that comes from the inside and not from the outside, is a powerful and revolutionary act. And, it’s mighty fun too!