Writing from the darkness of domesticity…again

 

 

As some of you know, I have been taking a break from work since September. Three months in, I find myself grateful for the extra time and space and also bristling against my now (even) more domestic mode. (Since there is nothing else to take my focus.)

I hate domesticity. I rail against it. All the time. Almost every day.

I hate everything to do with housework and domestic duties. It is something that I have an ongoing battle with. I struggle, I rage, I despair. I accept, I flow, I enjoy. I struggle, I rage, I despair. This is the rhythm of it for me.

I hate the schedule. The monotony. The uselessness of it all. What does it mean for me to wash dishes, cook food, buy groceries, run errands, pick up toys, change summer to winter clothes? I honestly don’t give a shit. I find it useless, stupid and a waste of everything else I am good at.

I love my children and I honestly don’t give a shit.

I feel like a wolf that has been trapped in the wild and caged. Every day, her wildness dims a  bit. And she forgets what snow on the air smells like.

Dramatic? Maybe.

This place where I am is not where I expected to be. In high school, I did a project with my two best friends and we wrote down what we wanted to be when we grew up. One wanted to be a fashion designer. One wanted to be married with children. I wanted to travel around the world and have “lovers in every port”.

Being the main housekeeper and childcare provider feels like having a job I hate and not getting paid for it.

Maybe, some would say, your healthy and happy children are payment enough.

Nope. No, they are not. Not for me.

And yet, YET, occasionally, there is joy in this role. Occasionally, nothing brings me greater pleasure than being a mother, a mama bear, a goddess of the hearth, a keeper of all things cozy and nutritious and delightful and wonderfully loving.

Occasionally.

And then, there are many times where my rage and feeling of unfairness threatens to rip my brain from my head and light my house on fire.

So what does a woman do, a wild woman do, a woman who dreamed of travelling and having lovers in every port, what does this woman do with her domestic rage?

I allow myself to become untamed. I shed the skin of domesticity and become animal. True to my nature. Wild. Free.

I light candles and they represent the burn of every woman who feels like me.

I put on a black dress. I like where it is tight and pulls against me. I like how it caresses my bare skin. How it will expose me as I move. It connects me to my darkness, my vitality, my angst, my vibrant push against it all.

I know I have a choice in this moment. To dive into the darkness I feel or to pretend it isn’t there. To stuff some part of me down, down, down. To suffocate my soul. To stitch myself up on one side only to have myself spill out on another. To cover my shadow with sparkly glitter which burns like poison on my skin.

So I dive into the darkness I feel. I move and sway and let the music take me away.

I begin to shed, cracking open what I mistakenly thought was me. I am reminded of myself. How much life there is inside of me. How much joy. How slowly I can move; like I am leading the world by the tip of my finger.

I touch my skin and feel where it is velvet soft, where it is warmer, where it curves in and out.

And then, aaahhhhh, there I am. My creature. My animal of all the shades, this breath of life in and out. My curves, my opening wider and wider.

I find the hard parts and soften them with curves. My cells open and breath for the first time today.

Yes, here I am. I become exquisite, mysteries, untouchable, magical again.

I leave with no plan, no solution. Nothing has changed. But I have stood firmly inside of myself and tasted my greatness. I belong to myself once again. And I have reminded myself of how much I am, how deep I go, how wide I am capable of opening.

I have celebrated my truth and made poetry from it.

 

 

Monks, Crowns and Menstruation

 

FYI, there is NO class on Friday, August 3rd and Monday, August 6th for the long weekend.

Monks

Sorry, monks. Try tending to your soul, carrying and releasing your suffering and actively practicing compassion while your two kids demand three meals a day plus snacks, leave endless messes as they move from craft to craft, bring insects, mud and sand into the house, scream and cry, don’t eat anything  you made for them and require your energy for 14-hour days. Sitting on top of a mountain all alone, living in a cave for decades? Having time to think? Meh.

Crowns

I got a crown recently and I wore it everywhere. To school. In the airplane. All around two cities. I wore it when I felt shiny and gorgeous, like a diamond. Easy. I put it on when I felt stuck, like a failure, deep in struggle and totally not shiny and gorgeous. When I felt like I hadn’t earned it. Harder.

It also takes a lot to put on your own crown. Bah, Elizabeth. You had no choice. This was something that you inherited because of your family. But what does it take for a woman to crown herself? 

So many people called me princess. I corrected them. I am not a princess. I am a Queen. One woman said, what are you Queen of? And I said, myself. Another woman said you know too much to be a princess. Right on, sister.

Menstruation

After decades on wearing disposable pads and tampons filled with chemicals, I recently switched to washable pads. And big gray flannel granny underwear specifically designed for my pads. For the first time in my life (besides being thank god, I got my period), I look forward to my period. To my bleed, as they say. I have beautiful things to wear against my skin. They all sit there, waiting for me, in a special place in my drawer. And that has shifted how I honour myself during that time. I try to really rest on that first day because I’m tired and slow and want to be left alone. I’ve been reading books on what women are learning and experiencing as they go through the phases of their cycle. It’s very cool shit.

It makes me think of how menstruation was treated when I was a teenager. (And likely is still now.) There was nothing honoured or sacred about it. No sense that, hey y’all, we are freaking powerful and beautiful and important and we are bleeding because, you know, no big deal but we have the ability to continue the human race. It was embarrassing and secret. Whispered about. Hoping you didn’t get it when you were wearing white pants. Getting it while you were wearing white pants. The mortification of leaking at school. The shame of buying tampons and then trying to figure out how to shove them up there.

What has been the effect on us of a culture that doesn’t want to know about, talk about or see something that happens once a month in our female bodies? How has growing up in a culture that doesn’t honour or treat sacred this very powerful ritual affected the way in which we view our sacredness and our right to be here?

I met a father who’s daughters recently had their first menstrual cycle and had been on a strawberry fast in order to celebrate and honour this important stage in their lives. This is what I hope for, for all of our girls.

If you have any ideas or experiences with approaching a young girl’s first menstruation cycle with sacredness and honour, I would so love to hear from you. Let’s start changing this now.

If your fear was a person, what would she be like?

I am getting to know my fear intimately. She is an angry, cruel, rebellious teenager.  She spits out toxic thoughts and encircles me in a cloud of doom. She hates everything, rejects everything and prides herself on her resistance.

I used to think that she was the truth. But she isn’t. She is my fear. She is the one who pretends to hate me but really wants to hold me tight against her tense body and never let me go. Her anger and hate and meanness are just her ways of saying,

I love you. Stay with me.

A few days before I was to shoot my movement video in November, I started to freak out. All of these crazy negative thoughts started popping up in my head. (Here is another blog post on meeting my fear when I stepped towards a big desire.)

Thoughts like…

  • My new short hair cut is horrible and would never look good. (I wasn’t beautiful enough)
  • My body isn’t good enough to put on film. (I wasn’t sexy enough)
  • The new page and video isn’t going to be good or do what it was supposed to do. (I wasn’t good enough)
  • It wouldn’t be good because my work isn’t good and it’s wrong and bullshit and stupid
  • And that means that I am wrong and bullshit and stupid

(She’s so much fun at parties.)

It went from A to B in 5 seconds flat. My fear took me from anticipation, excitement and full faith in what I was doing to fear, anxiety, anger and panic.

At first, I mistook all of these thoughts for the truth. (There is a great quote out there somewhere that says, just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.) But then, I saw her. I saw her. I saw the web she wove, the track she pushed me down, the way she wanted me to go. I could see that fucking death spiral. And I saw that none of what I was thinking was true. (Even she didn’t believe it was true.) It was so drenched in fear. She was so afraid for me. That I would leap and fall.  That I would struggle. That I would fail. And she loves me so much that it breaks her heart to not be able to go where she can’t follow.

The fear was about this leap into the unknown. I didn’t know what the video was going to look like. How it would be received. Whether it would encourage women to come to my class. I didn’t know how my weekly classes would go. Whether my business would succeed.

My fear wanted so badly to keep me small and safe because there, she can protect me.

She almost had me stop everything.

If I believed her, I would have cancelled the shoot. Or pretend I didn’t care about it and not put any effort in to have an excuse for the big failure it was going to be.

But when I could see that fear for what it was, it changed from being something nasty and random and irrelevant to being a harbinger of something. Of greatness. Of daring. This fear of mine was a big post-it note that said, “Get ready! You are about to dare greatly!”

My fear became a sign of my courage.

It was messy. It was hard. I fell and got back up.

Before the shoot, I took my morning to fill myself. I didn’t try to escape by doing nothing to prepare. I did it all. I shaved my legs. Got my clothes ready. Did my hair. Cleaned my toes. Breathed. Talked to myself. Planned. Invested. Went all in.
I went in. I warmed up. I danced. I tried to be as true as I could be. I was true.

My fear is still there. I guess she will ebb and flow, depending on where I am in my life. There may be days when I don’t have the strength of my angels and she holds me in her hard, loving arms. There will be days when she gives up the fight and hands over her stewardship to my warriors. No matter. I see her now. I know her. (And I will love her into submission.)

I’d love to hear about your experience with your fear. Do you have a sense of when it is real and when it is trying to keep you safe and small? If your fear was a person, what would she be like?

Do you ever feel not worthy?

 

 

Whoa, this is a doozie. Is it for you? I have so many talks with women about how difficult it can be to prioritize ourselves. About how we intellectually know what “self care” is and how important (apparently) it is but actually putting into action that knowing is so hard. Becoming not just a surviving woman but a thriving woman seems impossible.

We know we should take good care of ourselves. We know we should believe that we are worthy. Of moving ourselves up from the bottom of the priority list to the top. Worthy of love. Worthy of respect. Worthy of wanting…wanting whatever we want. Worthy of sleeping in. Worthy of feeling everything from ecstasy to jealousy to rage to sadness to lust without apology or judgement. Worthy of putting our feet up and having a cup of tea without feeling guilty. Worthy of saying “no” to something we don’t want to do. Worthy of a back-rub. Worthy of taking a day off to do….anything we want. Worthy of our opinion. Worthy of being listened to. Worthy of that piece of chocolate cake. Worthy of saying “no” to that piece of chocolate cake. Worthy of asking for our hair to be played with, our feet to be massaged, our back to be tickled. Worthy of saying what we want and need in the bedroom.

Worthy of feeling full. Happy. Content. Alive. Loved. Pleasured. At ease.

But how do we start believing that we are worthy if we have this voice that tells us the opposite? That we are selfish if we take time for ourselves. That our opinion isn’t as important as theirs. That no-one really cares about our story. That if it was good enough for our mothers/grandmothers, then it’s good enough for us. That our lover will leave us if we don’t put them first. That our children will be damaged if we don’t give them all of our time and attention. That we will disappoint our parents and our in-laws and our friends if we don’t behave the way they want us to.

How do we start loving ourselves when we have that voice that tells us that we haven’t earned that love yet. That we will be worthy when we are thinner. More beautiful. Smarter. Better. More perfect. Or that we will be worthy when we have it all together at last and can finally stop pushing so hard.

I don’t have the answer for this. (But I do believe that with enough bottles of wine, we can solve anything…)

I’m not sure that there is one answer. I think it’s more likely that every woman must find her own song, her own way, her own magic tool-kit. But I do believe that every woman has the access to a part of her that believes that she is worthy. A part of her that is so deeply loving of herself. But perhaps that part in most of us has been buried under self-doubt, criticism, judgement and all the little ways we deny our truth. Our needs. Our feelings. Our desires.

How do we uncover that part? How do we dig through all of the shit that covers it up, pick it up out of the rubble and hold it up to the light, astonished by the treasure we hold in our hands?

Should you choose to, you will find your way. This is how I did it.

When I started to feel my self become overshadowed by a marriage, a house and children, I became fierce about finding a way to not just survive but to thrive and become the most alive and on fire version of myself ever.

I turned all of my attention and focus to myself and what I needed. And I started off in tiny ways because even then and even to me, putting my needs first seemed forbidden, greedy, selfish and dangerous. And I had no model for what I was doing so I had to move slowly enough that I didn’t freak out. What if everything fell apart? What if I got so happy and selfish that I forgot my family and just ran away one day?!

I digress.

I started small but it felt big. I made fresh coffee instead of heating the old stuff up. I gave my kids something to snack on while I made myself something really yummy to eat. I hunted down women who could inspire me and support me on this revolution. I said “no” to my kids when they wanted me to play with them. I came to grips with not having perfect dinners and giving the kids eggs and toast for dinner so I could spend that time reading a book, moving or drinking tea. I found like-minded women that I could talk to. I stopped staying up late to watch a movie with my husband (because it was our time together) and went to bed early because that was what I needed. I began to find the things that made me feel good. And I did them. I wrote desire lists. What do I desire? I wrote pleasure lists. What makes me feel good?

Every time I made a decision that was based on what would make me feel good, I built up the skill. And I went from small nourishments (that fresh coffee was a big one for me) to big nourishments (six day retreats).

And I worked at it. I fell. I cried. I crashed. I ate a box of cookies and wanted to give it all up. I got mad. I yelled. I wished I had never started this fucking work in the first place because it was fucking impossible and too hard and easier to just stick with the status-quo and do what everyone else seemed to be doing. I had breakthroughs. I felt guilty. I felt amazing. It was exhausting and too hard to swim upstream somedays and other days, I was so full that it was mind-blowing.

I began to work that nourishment muscle a little bit every day and I got to the point where it began to be not just easier, but just the way it was done.

So to any woman who is struggling between what she wants to do (take care of herself, honour her needs, be gentle and loving with herself and believe that she is worthy) and how hard it is to actually do it, I say, please don’t give up. Please be patient with yourself. If you can remember how long you have been putting yourself at the bottom of the list, realize that changing that pattern will not be quick. It will take time. It will be hard. You will have successes and failures. And you will get better. Stronger. Happier.

And you will begin to believe you are worthy of big things because you are giving yourself the message that you are worthy of small things.

Start easy. Make that fresh coffee. Sit down for 5 minutes. Read a book in the car for that extra 15 minutes instead of running to do an errand. Go to bed early. Make eggs and toast. When someone gives you a choice, choose what you want. Say “no” to things that deplete you. Say “yes” to things that nourish you. Even in the face of disappointing someone else. Write a list of things that make you feel good. Even if you write, “I don’t know what makes me feel good anymore.” Excellent. So that is where you start. Find your own way of beginning to believe that you are worthy. It might look like mine. It might be different. It will be your way.

At any point, ask yourself, “What can I do right now that would make me 5% more comfortable?”

Our families don’t work as well as they could with us depleted and sacrificing our needs for other peoples comfort. Our partnerships don’t thrive. Our businesses don’t become what they could if we are not fulfilled. Our children don’t learn how to fly if we can’t show them what it looks like. Our sons won’t value a woman who stands for her own life if they only see a sacrificing mother. Our little girls won’t find the courage to go after what they want if they learn that a “good woman” puts everyone else’s needs in front of hers.

We need you to be every delicious morsel of what it is to be you. We need you to be well-rested. Healthy. Happy. Strong. We need your voice. We need your joy. We need you to take your dance classes, go on that retreat, go for coffee, write that book, start training for a marathon, take up painting, plan that trip to Italy, discover what your desires and pleasures are, go and see that symphony and go dancing with your girlfriends. We need you to know what you need to be nourished and to ask for it. We need you to ask for time. For space. For less in your life. We need you to set boundaries and to say “no” when you need to and “yes” when it lights you up.

Because when you do that for yourself, you give all of us permission to do the same.

We need you to be fully, gloriously, self-adoringly, perfectly unique and gorgeously nourished YOU.

We need you to save yourself so that you can save us. And so that together we can save the world.

 

Your erotic body

 

What happened to you when you read those 3 words? Your. Erotic. Body.

Did you feel intrigued? Curious? Jealous?

Did you roll your eyes and think, fer kerist sake’s, Sophie, enough with the freakin’ body stuff

Did you feel your body shut down? Resist? Turn off?

Did you feel yearning? Sadness? Deep whispering desire?

Did your mind whirl with judgements or self-critical thoughts?

(Perhaps you laughed so hard that coffee went up your nose because there could be nothing further from the reality of your life – as you sit at your desk at work, totally overwhelmed, or at home with children, or trying to be both at work and at home or going through a break-up or just being exhausted and frustrated and too busy and doing a million other more important things….)

Whatever happens, it is interesting to just notice how we react to that powerful image of a woman’s erotic body.

I know there might be some of you who just cannot swallow the feeling of an erotic body right now. Let’s see…what is not erotic? Almost everything we spend our time and energy on. Childcare. Being stuck in traffic. A job you hate. Tension or problems in a relationship. Being in chronic pain. Being injured. Exhaustion. Being ill. Spending all day answering emails, texts, tweets and scrolling through feeds. Rushing. Racing. Driving ambition that leaves no room for anything else. Living in your head. Being an intellectual and above all that body stuff. Spending your day doing, doing, doing for everyone else. Holding things together. Anxiety. Fear. Worry. Self-critical thoughts. Body hatred. Or, just body disconnection. Endless to-do lists. Going to sleep at night worrying about what you didn’t get to during the day and what you HAVE to do tomorrow.

Not erotic.

And basically, just living in a female body in this culture doesn’t really allow us to have a space where we can even think about what it might mean to have an erotic body. We live in a culture that, in so many ways, shapes and forms, devalues the feminine. Devalues the attributes that are most at the heart of what it is to be a woman – collaboration, emotionality, sensuality, the huge range of colours we can feel and play in, intuition, gentle fierceness and the incredible way that our bodies connect to the earth, the moon and everything in nature.

Living in a world that seems to alternate between devaluing, diminishing and outright fearing and hating the feminine doesn’t make us feel safe enough to tune into the frequency of the erotic.

So this is work we need to do together. In a sacred space.

Here’s what “your erotic body” means to me.

Your

As in, for you. Beholden to you. Under your care. Your responsibility. Your sacred temple. Not only the body that you walk around in but also the body that is designed for great emotionality, great bliss, great ecstasy. A body filled with curves and valleys. A body that is likely craving to be caressed, known, discovered. Deeply touched. A body that is not only a history of your life but also a beginning to what else is possible.

Erotic

Sexual. Sensual. The known and unknown. Goosebumps forming as cold water drops. The warmth of a summer breeze across the back of the neck. Stirrings. Yearnings. Unleashed. Thoughts, images, touches that awaken wantonness. Permission to feel whatever there is to feel. A pleasurable drop into the senses. And your deepest, rawest truth.

Body

The physical. The curve of your lower back. The strength of your arms. The softness of the skin on the inside of your wrist. The swing of your hips. The velvet softness of your throat and the heat of the back of your neck. The way energy moves through your body as you curve and release it, the melting of all of your tightness and the ecstasy that comes when your body moves freely.

An erotic body, to me, is a body that is alive and awake, a body that allows emotions to be felt and released, a body that is conscious of it’s desires, a body whose voice and intuition is acknowledged and honoured and a body that is allowed pleasure.

What is an erotic body to you? What would you imagine your erotic body to be? Feel like? Look like?

By the way, if you have a furrowed or angry brow right now because you actually have no freaking idea what an erotic body is, take a deep breath and exhale out. I’ve been there. We have all been there…and some of us are still there. Really, the only question is, are you interested in finding out what your erotic body is?

I’ve created two sacred spaces for you to explore your erotic body.

  1. My “Pleasured Body” program. If you can get to Toronto, we will spend two hours with you and your body. We will start to become interested in how she wants to move, in where she is constricted, in what makes her feel good and in what she needs. I’m working with a small group of women this round and I’m closing registration on Thursday, June 15th. Do you want a spot? Email me.
  2. My monthly feminine soulful movement classes. My next two are on Monday, July 10th and Monday, August 14th. The classes run at The Healthy Joint from 7:00 – 9:00pm. The cost is $30. Email me if you want a spot or more details.

 

 

 

The “Pleasured Body” program

 

My new program is called”The Pleasured Body” program and it is designed to bring a woman and her body back together.

This program is designed to bring a woman and her body back together again through pleasure – the pleasure of movement, the pleasure of nourishment, the pleasure of the senses and the pleasure of emotional release.

Don’t know what that means or how to do it? Don’t worry about that – that is where I come in. Let me guide you based on what I’ve learned from working with women and teaching movement for over 15 years, what I’ve learned from the best mentors and guides in the “business” and what I’ve experienced in my own personal journey from a depleted body to a pleasured body.

This program is a good fit for you, if:

You want to feel more open and released in your body.

You want to find a new relationship with your body after a major change – an injury, a pregnancy, a long period of exhaustion, depletion and disconnection, an illness or just a feeling that your body is currently unknown and unfamiliar to you.

You want to learn how to recognize and hear the voice of your body and intuition.

You want to feel happier and more accepting of your body. Hell that, you want to ROCK your body!

You want to allow yourself to feel your truth.

You want to feel more kindness towards your body.

You want to have more fun and feel more joy in your body.

You want to learn more about your body and your self.

You want to allow yourself to feel more.

You want to melt some hardness in your body.

You want to feel desire again, feel alive again in your body.

Or, you just want to hang out with me for a few hours.

Here’s what the “Pleasured Body” program includes:

 

 A two-hour face-to-face with me consisting of:

A) A private one-hour class of feminine soulful movement where I lead you through my signature movements and teach you how to make them work for you and your body.

B) A one-hour talk where we discover:

  • Your body’s Pleasure Profile (what brings your body pleasure)
  • Your body’s Nourishment Needs (what your body needs to feel fully nourished)
  • Your body’s Senses Signature (what senses open up and relax/stimulate your body)

 A follow-up email with everything we talked about including:

  • A movement guide from our class with a suggested playlist based on what you like
  • A plan to bring your Pleasure Profile, your Nourishment Needs and your Senses Signature into your day-to-day life

 A follow-up phone call (45 minutes) where I ask how things are going, we troubleshoot things that aren’t working or are proving challenging and then we create a new plan to continue to move you forward.

The cost of the “Pleasured Body” program is $500 (plus HST). Email me at sophie@juicywomanrevolution.com with any questions or to register.

Where did we learn to take such poor care of ourselves?

 

 

Where did we learn to take such poor care of ourselves? Maybe we learned it from our mothers – and how they were in service to everyone else. And now that we think about it, we can’t remember anything else about her – what her dreams were, the nights she went out dancing or her weekends away with girlfriends.

Maybe it’s what we see when we look around at our group of friends; women we adore who are endlessly bending over backwards to fulfill their obligations to their jobs, their kids, their husbands. Who are we to argue?

It could be what we notice as business owners; how everyone out there seems to be pouring all of their energy and time into the business and depleting themselves completely seems to be the only way to success.

Maybe it’s a part of our culture. Hard work. Life is a grind. Life is not meant to be all fun. When the work is done, then you can rest. (Of course, the problem with that philosophy is that, nowadays, the work is never done. Ergo, you can never rest.)

I desire deeply for more women to become Well-Nourished. To learn how to prioritize our nourishment – not just to survive but to thrive. I desire that we learn from each other, support each other and in doing so, write a new story of what it means to live as a woman.

To the woman who feels trapped in her job but can’t find the time to book a session with a career counsellor.

To the woman who, during her week off, spends it running errands and getting things done instead of having a drink on a patio with a girlfriend.

To the woman who wakes up every day to an endless list of “to do” items and drags herself through her life; hopeless, negative and angry.

To the woman who has lost herself in a relationship and can’t really remember what she used to do for fun.

To the woman who makes sure that everyone around her gets the help they need but doesn’t give herself the same permission.

To the woman who spends money and time making sure that her kids have the clothes they want and settles for whatever is cheap and easy for herself.

To the woman who is on another diet. Again. Hoping that, this time, she’ll lose the weight that’s been holding her back.

To the woman who follows her man’s plans, mostly because she’s afraid that if she voices her truth, tells him what she really wants, how she really feels, he’ll leave her.

To the woman who tells herself she is too busy to make time for herself but somehow manages to make time for everyone else.

I have a few spots left on my Well-Nourished Woman coaching offer. If you are ready to become well-nourished, grab one of these spots before they go.

Here’s what you’ll get:

* I’m going to share all of the tools and action steps I personally use to prioritize myself.

* I’m going to share my experience of working through and around barriers and challenges that come with our lives, laden as they are with responsibilities, demands on our time, many relationships to juggle and seemingly endless time-constraints.

* I’m going to share my step-by-step process that allows any woman, however busy she is, to begin to add fun, beauty, nourishment and vitality back into her day-to-day life.

* And I am going to help you custom-design your week to make sure that you are no longer at the bottom of the list. We are going to re-wire, re-think and re-design your life.

Each session consists of a pre-call email and questionnaire, a 60-minute Skype live call and a follow-up email.

We will talk about what you need to feel fully-nourished. What your weekly schedule looks like. How we can hack the system to get you on your way to becoming a Well-Nourished Woman and we’ll troubleshoot barriers that might get in the way.

Yes, there is another way.

Yes, there is more for you in this life.

This offer is just about to close. The few spots I have left are available at the special price of only $150. If you are interested in claiming one of these spots, please email me now.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear what being a Well-Nourished Woman means to you.

 

Scratch the surface of every woman and here’s what you get

 

 

The first time I did this exercise, I was so amazed and heart-filled to see every woman instantly start writing. Some of them wrote furiously as words poured out. Other women filled page after page. Some women wrote, looked up, smiled, looked down and continued writing. It brought some women to tears. But not one woman sat there, having nothing to write.

The exercise was, write yourself a love letter.

It’s a beautiful exercise. Every single time. And every time I do it with a new group of women, I am so humbled to see that, even with all of our self-doubt, self-hatred, critical thought patterns, expectations, perfectionism, anxiety and worry…when we scratch just below the surface, there is a deep well of self-love.

For me, scratch the surface of every woman and you get a goddess. Who knows what it is to love herself…even if she isn’t right now. Who becomes divine when she sinks into movement that comes so naturally out of her body. Who is full of emotion; joy, grief, anger, pain, sadness, lust, hope, desire, dreams…and becomes a beautiful symbol of the power of what it is to be a woman when she lets them flow.

We don’t scratch the surface very often. We live in a world that supports us to be dissatisfied with who we are. Who drives us to constantly measure our worth by what the outside world values. A world where the masculine (keep going, don’t complain, push, drive hard, conquer, don’t get emotional, keep running…) is held as the ideal. And the feminine; the softness, the sensuality, the incredible emotional capacity and courage, the curves and the slowness is seen as weakness in both our personal and business lives.

Part of what I see as my job in Juicy Woman Revolution is to remind women of what is already there. I allow. I hold a safe space. I am a guide. I am the voice saying, “Yes, this is who you really are. Yes, this is what is possible. Yes, this is what you can feel like. Yes, this is what we can do together.”

In a way, I create a doorway into another world that is both foreign and completely innate. It’s a world that we have forgotten or been led away from. But we speak the language. We know this world. Deeply. Like a forgotten memory that, once reclaimed, becomes clearer and closer.

So my message to you is this. On days when you feel like you are spinning out of control, being pulled apart by endless tasks, expectations and to-do lists, feeling like a mouse on a treadmill, on days when you look in the mirror and hate what you see or the days where it seems that critical brain of yours just doesn’t let up, know that, just under the surface, your wisdom can fill a book. That you are courageous beyond what you believe.  Gorgeous enough to infect a room with your mojo. Deep enough to have a river of self-love and self-compassion. That it is in your nature to relish your body. Expand in sensuality. Speak your truth without saying a word. Honour yourself and believe that you are worthy of everything you desire.

Remember this. For you. For me. For us.

For those of you interested in attending the full-day Juicy Woman Revolution retreat on October 15th, this is the final day of early bird pricing. Click here to read the details and register. The price goes up at midnight.

Sophie xo

What I struggled with in learning how to prioritize myself

 

 

When I first felt the angry, desperate and sad yearnings inside me for more nourishment, I was in a dark place. At home with a new baby. Spending my days preparing food, cleaning up food, cleaning up the house, washing dishes, preparing more food, cleaning up more food, changing diapers, doing laundry, putting the babe down for a nap, cleaning up the kitchen, preparing food…

For me, it was a very hard period because I had no space, no room, no time, no place for me. I felt completely and utterly exhausted, depleted, unhappy and joyless.

That was 5 years ago and I’ve learned a lot about what it means for me to be well-nourished. To prioritize myself. To take care of my needs (and to actually know what they are).

Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman is a process. It requires work, diligence and the constant choosing of it.

But it is the only way for me to live now. Being under-nourished feels like a breeding ground for all of my nasty voices. It makes me feel insecure, bitter, resentful, angry, unloved, unappreciated and I start riding the victim card hard. Which keeps me trapped. It isn’t fun. It isn’t inspiring. It pushes me down instead of lifting me up.

Here’s what I can share with you about my journey in Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman.

Here’s what I really struggled with when I decided to start putting myself first.

Guilt

All kinds of guilt. Mother guilt. If I didn’t put my children above myself, did that mean I was a neglectful and bad mother? Wife guilt. Wasn’t marriage about sacrifice and making compromises? That old single life is over, girl! Get with the program!  Greedy Guilt. Was I being too greedy in wanting to be happy? Delighted? Nourished? Really well-taken care of? Did I deserve all that I wanted?

Giving up the victim role

If I wanted to be well-nourished, I had to make decisions based on what made my life easier, happier, less-stressful and more joyful. Which meant that I needed to take responsibility for my life. Which meant I couldn’t be a victim any longer. I couldn’t spend all of my energy complaining, griping, feeling resentful and bitter and lashing out at those closest to me because I felt so angry at being deprived. I couldn’t complain anymore because it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility but my own.

My sense of my own worth

I had to teach myself that I was worthy of feeling good. That I was worthy of wanting to feel relaxed. Cared for. Nurtured. Adored. Loved.  Nourished. For me, every time I did something loving and nourishing for myself, I sent a feedback message that I was worthy. And every time I felt worthy, I felt free and empowered to do something loving and nourishing for myself. It was and is a wonderfully sacred circle of cause and effect.

These are the top 2 things I did (and still do) that are the bedrock of my being a Well-Nourished Woman.

I started small

For me, making myself a fresh cup of coffee was the beginning of prioritizing my nourishment. Instead of drinking a cold cup. Instead of going without. Instead of having tea – which I didn’t want. Instead of reheating some cold coffee. It was a small thing to do but it created a ripple effect that allowed me to move towards big nourishment items – like leaving my family and going on a 6 day-retreat. I didn’t start there. I started with a fresh cup of coffee for myself. And then cooking dinners that I wanted to eat. And telling my kids I was unavailable when I sat down to eat. And from those small acts of self-love, I allowed myself larger nourishments. Without the small acts, I would never have gotten to the big ones. In other words, if I didn’t think I was worthy of a fresh cup of coffee, how could I ever feel worthy of leaving my family to go on a retreat?

I added just one thing to whatever I was doing to make it more pleasurable for me.

Kids want to go to the park? I’m loading up my phone with some good music I can listen to. Have to wash the bloody dishes again? I’m finding a really cool podcast to listen to. Need to finish some work and just way too tired? I’m lighting a candle and making my self a cup of tea. Have to work on my financials? I’m getting into my cozy clothes (maybe my confidence toque) and setting a time-limit so I am focused and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that for all of us, life is filled with many tasks that we don’t necessarily love to do. So, the question becomes, “What can I add to this job/task/situation/party that will make it more pleasurable for me?”. Boom.

Why it’s time for YOU to become a Well-Nourished Woman.

1. When you begin to make yourself a priority, you give every woman around you permission to do the same.

2. It is a deeply self-loving act and it’s time for you to start loving yourself desperately and madly.

3. No-one else will do it for you. No-one else will give you permission. This is no-one else’s responsibility except your own.

4. It feels so much better than deprivation.

5. All the girls in your life become lucky enough to see a different story for a woman; instead of seeing self-sacrifice and low self-worth, they see it is possible (and glorious) for a woman to love herself and to believe herself worthy of feeling good.

6. Because you are not the only one who can take care of your children. Cook the food. Do the job. Take the phone call. Be the go-to person. Take care of all the details. YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. Things will continue to revolve without you.

Finally, you might need to start treating yourself like you are worthy before you believe you are. So what? It will come. Start small. Add just one thing. And be patient. See what happens.

If there is a woman in your life who you think would benefit from reading this, please forward this email to her. When we all start to really honour and love ourselves, amazing things can happen. Let’s start now. And take all of our tribe up with us.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts on learning how to put yourself first and what your journey has been like for you.

 

 

An “a-ha” moment and why the body is IT

 

 

I’ve been talking a lot about my upcoming full-day Juicy Woman Revolution retreat happening on Saturday, July 16th in Toronto, Ontario. My two big goals for you if you attend is that you have a mind-blowing experience and that you leave with tools to continue to feel that way in your day-to-day life.

Registration opens in June. I’m freaking excited and honoured and thrilled and can’t wait.

Here’s an “a-ha” moment I had recently.

I attended a Woman of Company conference a few weeks ago and on my way there, I was trying to sum up what I do in one sentence. Conferences are the kind of places where you have to answer the question, “What do you do?” a hundred times. It can either feel really exciting and good or it can bring up fear and anxiety. Usually, I like to talk a lot about what I do and I can find it hard to edit it down to one essential sentence. But I knew I needed to get my idea across quickly before I could go on and on about it.

Here’s what I decided I would give a trial run. “My name is Sophie Luxton and my business is Juicy Woman Revolution. I help women to live more in their bodies and less in their heads.”

Boom, as they say. (visualize mic drop image here)

Every time I said that to a woman, her face relaxed, her shoulders dropped and she silently nodded.

This line worked. Every woman I talked to felt that she was too much in her brain and knew that it wasn’t where she wanted to be…and intuitively, she knew that being in her body, being in HER, could give her what she was looking for.

The body is it, y’all.  (Dance break here.)

Everything I deeply care about goes back to the body. It is where I believe women have their greatest chance at living inside their authenticity, their truth, their power and beauty, their magnificent range of colours and emotions, their sensuality and sexuality and it is the place that a woman can live from, that believes in her 100%. It is a power source of self-love, self-knowing and self-honouring. I think that the way we live right now exalts the brain and diminishes the body. We are taught to trust either the brain (full of lots of self-sabotaging crap, as we all know) or someone else. We have a crisis of confidence – we don’t trust ourselves enough. And when we live in the body more than in the brain, we start to be led by our truth and we start to trust ourselves again. You know what that feels like? It feels like your life is your own. And you live deeply AS YOU.

So, that is what we will be living in at the July JWR retreat.

Thank you to everyone who sent in their questions. Here are two questions that I got a lot:

1. The thought of doing a lot of work in my body and “deeply connecting” to my body freaks me out and makes me anxious because I am not loving my body right now and I don’t know if I can do it…or want to, connect with it.

I get it. And I’m going to ask you to allow yourself to experience something different in your body. I’m going to ask you to allow for the possibility that you can love your body, just as she is, and that you can deeply connect with your body, just as she is, and that it will feel soulfully, deliciously, emotionally, wonderfully good.

2. I don’t feel comfortable with getting emotional. I actually don’t think I want to get emotional because I don’t know what I’m going to feel and I don’t want to fall apart in front of total strangers.

We have a kleenex box with your name on it. Here’s the deal. Yup, this is emotional stuff. Meaning, we feel. That’s it. We just feel. We don’t hide anymore. We don’t squish down everything and compress it and hide it under the bed or in the corridors of our soul or in crevices or in the dark somewhere. We feel it. And that can be overwhelming. And sometimes it can be uncomfortable. It can also be transformative. Beautiful. Incredibly powerful. Full of love. Freeing. Releasing. Cleansing.

Here’s what one woman said on that topic –  “I had only one fear, to reach a place that would make me feel vulnerable and that would make me feel emotional…and that’s exactly what happened and I LOVED IT!! I usually bottle up my stress and this felt very relieving.”

 In other words, if what you are doing now doesn’t make you feel the way you want to feel, why not try this?

In the comments below, I’d love for you to share some of your thoughts of living in the brain vs living in the body. Is this something you think about? Is it something you have explored before? Or are now?