This still surprises the heck out of me…

My life has changed.

Really changed.

And it still surprises me every day.

Because there was a point when I didn’t believe that anything could change about my life. That I didn’t have any or enough power to change my mind-set, change my day, change my life.

But I did.

And so can you.

Now, before you start rolling your eyes at yet another blog post that talks about “HOW AMAZING AND PERFECT MY LIFE IS NOW!”, I’ll let you know that in some ways, nothing has changed. I still have hard days. Unexpected challenges. Difficulties that attack my sense of self-esteem, confidence and faith in myself. I still face days that are harder to get through with fun and pleasure and set-backs that seem exhausting to recover from.

But.

But they happen less often. I recover faster from them. The negative thoughts that they bring don’t have as much power over me as they used to. And I am able to get back to the place where I really want to be more easily and with more strength.

Here are some ways my life has changed that make me very happy.

1) I experience way more fun, joy, happiness and bliss in my daily life. (Yup, I said it. Bliss, y’all!)

2) I feel very connected to my sense of sexuality. I feel that my sexual energy is with me during my day and that THERE IS MORE TO COME.

3) My patience with my kids has totally changed. Instead of operating from a place where patience was a scarce resource, I now am able to enjoy them more. Most of my anger, impatience and frustration is gone. (By the way, for the moms out there, this changed because I started to get very interested in what made ME happy, not what made them happy. Not the usual piece of advice but the only one that works.)

4) I love my life! (Again, before you throw up with all of this cheerleading, let me explain.) For the most part, when I wake up in the morning, I feel excited about my day. I have things to look forward to. My life is filled with lots of stuff I love to do. I believe again that my wildest and sweetest dreams are now possible. That the future holds more of what I want. (By the way, it used to feel like the future held nothing exciting for me except for a gradual decline into domesticity and jogging pants.)

The kicker is – my life didn’t change. I changed.

Here’s my message to you. Yes, I think the Juicy Woman Revolution course should be experienced by every woman I know because it does change your life. But that’s not my message. My message here is that if you want to change your life, you can. It is possible. You have all the power and wisdom within you to do that. If you are reaching out to people or resources or books or thinking about things differently or experimenting in your life to make it better, KEEP GOING! You can do it. You can change your life and CREATE A LIFE YOU WANT.

Our minds and hearts and souls are so powerful. When you turn them towards working for you and creating a life that fills you up, the stars are the limit. I honestly believe that.

So, whatever you are doing to change your life, don’t give up. It is possible. It is possible FOR YOU. I believe in you. Show yourself that you are worthy of a great life.

Cheers to all of us; reaching, yearning, dreaming and constantly trying.

With admiration,

Sophie

How I started to get my mojo back – Part 2

Last week, in “How I started to get my mojo back – Part 1”, I wrote about discovering I didn’t feel sexy, having a boo-hoo moment and then starting on a determined path to feel sexy again. For myself. By myself. Through myself. Yes, I wanted to get my mojo back.

When I looked up the meaning of mojo, it took on an even more awesome power for me. Meanings of mojo – a magic charm, spell or talisman. A magical power. And more recently, sex appeal or talent.

Yes, please.

In essence, mojo is way bigger than just sex appeal. It’s having something magic inside of you that allows you to shine. I like it. I like it a lot.

 

mojo

 

At the end of last week’s post, I talked about the first step I took to reclaiming my sexy. Which was to firmly and without doubt, place all of the gorgeous burden of how I wanted to feel ON ME. Not on my lover, not on my life, not on the outside world. Even the mere thought of that was a game shifter for me. And as I started to focus on and pay attention to how I wanted to feel in my body, heart and spirit (sexy, sexy, sexy), I could feel how it affected all the parts of my life. I felt a skip in my step. More energy. Better connected and in love with my body. A deeper confidence. A bigger sense of fun. Power. Vitality.

I was getting my mojo back. My secret power. My magic. Starting with sexy and then, aiming for the stars.

My job became to make sure that I gave my mojo what she needed to live. To shine.

My mojo does not thrive when overwhelmed (too many things to do, too many expectations), under slept (this will kill her outright) or over scheduled (her delicate little heart does not shine at a fast and furious pace). She does thrive when she is nourished (good food, good sleep, space and peace in my days, mojo-activating-time, fun…) and happy (this hits it out of the park).

As my mojo and concept of my sexuality grew, also decided that I would redefine my sex life. I wanted it to be so much bigger and brighter than just boy-meets-girl. Or girl-meets-girl. Which is usually a benchmark we all use to define our sex lives, right? Meaning, how often are you getting it? If you’re getting it a lot, you must have a great sex life. And if you are not, your sex life must be dead.

Now, I love getting it as much as the next girl but to have my sexuality and my mojo defined by just that? Hmm, no thanks. Too small, too limiting, too dependent on the other in the scenario. So I changed the rules and decided that my litmus test would be so much more ME, so much more exciting, EXPANSIVE and way more fun.

What was important to me, beyond what happened with a partner, was;

Getting turned on. Feeling lustful.

Turning myself on.

Knowing what turns me on.

Continually evolving and developing my knowledge and my curiosity about my sexuality.

Being able to write down 5 fantasies on demand. (See? Way more fun, right?!)

Reading erotica. Keeping desire in the brain.

Connecting with my sexual essence through dance.

Feeling desirable. Wanted. Adored. ALIVE.

Those were my new benchmarks. My new goals. And so my sexuality and my mojo got steadily bigger. Better. Stronger. A swivel of the hips. A twinkle in the eye. A flip of the hair. A self-satisfied smile. A flirt. A feeling of being able to create magic within. My own magical power. My mojo.

How is your mojo feeling these days? In any way that you define it? If it’s not where you want it to be, what can you do about it?

I lift a glass to all of our mojos. The ones floating high and mighty, the shining ones, the growing ones, the ones starting to push through like new growth in the spring, the sleeping ones that are willing and ready to be awaken. As Austin Power’s once (or twice) said, “Yeah, baby, YEAH!”

 

How I started to get my mojo back – Part 1

Last week, I said that I was going to share my thoughts on how to feel like a sexual and sensual woman. Even when you don’t have partner. Even when you are pissed off and tired. Even when you are not having sex. Even when you think you will never feel full of desire again. Even when you feel totally disconnected from your own skin. Even when.

 

Mojo, baby. Mojo. Yeah!

austin_powers_teaser

 

About a year ago, I had a revealing and ultimately freeing realization. I did not feel sexy. This was a big one for me because I had built a business, a persona and a life around being sexy. The embodiment of sexy. The confidence of sexy. This sexiness I had was part natural fire, part lifestyle (performing and teaching “sexy” dancing) and part love life (available and yearning and always feeling the excitement of about-to-meet-the-next-one).

When everything about that scenario changed – my natural fire had been dampened by life, my lifestyle didn’t include teaching and performing anymore (blocked, temporarily, by babies) and I was married (not feeling the excitement of about-to-meet-the-next-one anymore) – my feelings of sexiness took a dive.

Hmm, I thought. (After feeling quite blue and sniffly.)

Of course, my first response was to look to the outside to MAKE ME FEEL SEXY! There were lots of strong feelings about resentment, blame and why-don’t-you-make-me-feel-the-way-I-want-to-feel? And then, just underneath all of that, I had another revealing/breakthrough thought. It wasn’t that the world didn’t make me feel sexy. It was that I DIDN’T FEEL SEXY.

After lots of thinking and truth-searching, I realized that I had to start with me. That what I wanted to feel had to come from me. Not from anyone else. Because if it came from someone else and I still didn’t feel it, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t what I wanted. And I didn’t think it was fair to expect anyone else to make me feel a certain way. And I also didn’t want anyone else to have that power over me.

So what is a girl to do? A simple, fun-loving girl who just wants to feel sexy, in touch with lust and feel like her sensuality is still evolving, growing and expanding?

Well, like any good girl, she starts learning. And that’s what I did. I found books, online courses and discussions that were great inspiration. And I also turned the power of my own wisdom and intuition towards this opportunity. I decided that my whole sex life was going to revolve around me for a while. Me, me, me. I wanted to spend time and effort on my sexuality, not connected with anyone else. What was my sexual essence? How could I feel sexually alive in my body? How could I fall in love with sensations again? What turned me on? I got selfish and greedy and it felt great.

If I wanted to feel sexy again, it was going to be an inside job. I would have to infuse, build-up, create, unleash and drench every cell in my body with sexiness. With good ole fashioned hard work.

(And by the way, I think that maintaining your mojo and a connection to your sexuality is a discipline. Requires work. Just like making your pleasure a priority. Just like putting your own needs higher up the food chain. Just like reaching for more and wanting more in your life. It is not the easy way to live; it is the harder way to live. But, oh my. So bloody worth it.)

First things first. If you want to feel more sexual, more sensual, more juicy and alive in your body, turn your focus and attention inwards. Forgot the outside for a bit. Go on a staycation.

(If you’d like to spend some time connecting with your sexual essence, join me for a workshop in February, March or April. Find the details here.)

More to come next week. In the meantime, just the simple act of thinking about your sensuality as something that comes from the inside and not from the outside, is a powerful and revolutionary act. And, it’s mighty fun too!

 

Meet your most fearless, confident and pure self

“She does what she wants and never anything to impress or please. She dances in the shadows when she wants and on centre stage when she wants. Her body is made for pleasure and she curves and rolls and reaches and mesmerizes. She is ice cold and fire hot. She is untouchable. Untameable. Unknowable.”

These are some of the notes I made at the S-Factor retreat in January 2014, almost a year ago. They were notes made about my EC, my erotic creature (as Sheila Kelley defines the “feminine body” all women have). I remember having such a clear idea of who my EC was. Once I was ready to see and feel her, she took shape in an effortless and magical way. I questioned nothing about her; she was my perfect fit.

When I tapped into her (with the benefit of the time and space that retreat allowed me), she had an instant effect on me. Anxieties disappeared. The thought of apologizing for anything was gone. Self-doubt, questioning my actions, thinking about what I should do instead of what I wanted to do seemed like an ancient and forgotten way of being. My deep core confidence was both as light as a feather and as unalterable as a mountain. She was unshakeable. I was unshakeable. Pure magic. A deep love affair.

Seeing her, really seeing who she was, was one of the greatest moments during that retreat and had a lasting and powerful effect on me. I was so inspired to keep her with me, to give her what she needed to show up more often in my life. I wanted her to be a strong presence in my life and, therefore, to change it.

Let me ask you, who is your “erotic creature?” Do you know her? If you are like me, maybe you lost track of her as your energy got directed everywhere else (really, everyone else) except within.

She won’t come out if you just call her. She requires time and space to be known. She is not likely to be your outward personality, the facade you put on at parties or social events. She’s not likely to be who your friends think she is – although she might have some elements, if they know you well. She might not even be who you want her to be. But she will be the purest and most fearless essence of yourself. And when you wake her up, that confidence and fearlessness will start to pulse through your “real” life as well.

She is not in your brain. You can’t think her alive. You have to feel her alive. Move her alive. She is in your cells, your soul and your spirit. She is in your body; all it’s curves and stories and moments and tears and heights and depths and passion and despair.

When does she show herself? I have found her most easily when I dance. When I dance for myself, in my own moves, being guided by my own feelings and emotions.

When you move in meditation, with music that fits you, she’ll come out. When you feel free to feel anything you want – your lust, your shyness, your anger, your coldness, your aggression, your sweetness – she’ll come out. She is your core sensual essence, your intrinsic nature, your quintessential soul, stripped clean of anything that tarnishes and devalues her. She has a fearlessness that blows away self-doubt, expands your spirit, blows your mind and makes you feel FINALLY AT HOME.

If you listen for her, she’s there. All the women joining me next year in the inaugural Juicy Woman Revolution Course will have the honour of meeting her perhaps for the first time or of re-aquainting themselves with her.

In further news, I will be taking a break from these letters over the holidays to just unplug and have mad fun. My most juicy best to everyone over the holidays and here’s to a bubbly, inspirational, diamonds-in-the-sky and magic-is-possible New Year’s. I look forward to our adventures in 2015. And thank you very much for all of your emails and support and attention this year. I am honoured.

Sophie

 

What I hear A LOT from women…

You_Are_Beautiful_by_Tiggular

Here’s what I hear a lot from women when I send out an email about a workshop I’m having. You know, one of those sexy workshops.

“Sophie, I would love to some day but I’m just not ready yet.”

“I’m trying to lose some weight and when I do, I’ll totally come.”

“I don’t have anyone in my life right now.”

“I’m just too tired. I don’t have time.”

“When I’m feeling braver, I’ll come.”

Bah, I say. BAH!

It breaks my heart and makes me mad at the world that women should feel that there is a “perfect” time to express and pay attention to their sensuality. (By the way, I’m going to use sensuality to mean all of our sexual and sensual energies. Sexual is so limited; sensual embraces all possible pleasures. Which just sounds so much more divine, non?!)

Our sensual self is there. Here. All the time. She is there when we have bellies that roll over the top of our jogging pants. She is there when we are buzzing with lust, strutting in high heels, falling in love. She is there when we feel awkward. Shy. Shameful. When we don’t know how to say what we want to say. She is there when we feel like we will never desire again. Never feel anything again. She is there when we are trying to recover from an injustice. A violation of the worst kind. A rejection. A hurtful comment from a lover. She is there when we are the “perfect” weight. She is there afterwards. And before. She is there after we have a baby, an injury, a surgery and we’re facing new bodies. She is there when we are exploding with pleasure. She is there when no-one else is. She is still there when we feel too old to live as a sensual woman. When we feel that we are too married. Too damaged. Too unworthy. She is there when we are tired, depleted, at rock bottom, sad, angry and lost.

Continue reading “What I hear A LOT from women…”

I need this woman…

mama-gena-sig

I had a week where I faced a few business challenges and some moments of self-doubt and questioning. I have developed tools that allow me to get back to my centre (where all my trust, truth and courage live) but I still experience moments where the steps seem like hard work and I have to rely on faith to keep moving forward.

One of my tools is going to this woman. I found her when my daughter was about 9 months old and I realized suddenly, “oh dear, if I have to stay in this house for one more day, I am going to run away.” I realized that staying at home was not making me happy, that what my day consisted of was not making me happy.

Continue reading “I need this woman…”

Not now, mummy’s lap dancing

I am very good when I’m bad. In fact, I can’t be good if I haven’t been bad first.

By “good”, I mean responsible. Reliable. Doing all the things that need to be done to move ahead on all fronts. A homemaker and caretaker. A GLW. (Good little wifey.) A member of polite society following the rules, doing my taxes, acting my age.

By “bad”, I mean wild. Unknowable. Unbreakable. Free.
Since I got back from the S-Factor retreat in January, I have been dancing a lot. It started off being every day (which really takes care of me) and it has now moved to a few times a week. Every time I say “no” to something else and say “yes” to being in my body, I am thankful.

It saves my life, I would say. It balances out the domestic drudgery, the reliability and responsibility of life, the role of wife and mother. The constant production. The schedule. The routine. The “to-do” lists. Life.

When I dance, I experience emotions and moments that I don’t experience anywhere else.

When I dance, I dance as myself. In myself. With myself. I am a woman. I am the core of all that I am; unscripted, cellular, authentic, right now, truthful.

excitement
ecstasy fantasy
aching my neck
emotional languid
steamy time slowing down
sensual erotic
the way my skin looks in the light
newness daring
naughty untouchable
poetry romance
power lust
perfection creation
Sometimes when I dance, it is slow and relaxed. Sometimes it is hard to get started because there are tight emotions in the way. Sometimes it makes my pulse race.

Every arch of my back, every tease, every pelvis circle, every lace underwear under jogging pants saves my life. On most days, I do the drudgery happily. Grocery shopping. Cooking. Cleaning. Organizing. Caretaking.

Because I have a secret.

I am free. Undomesticated. I belong only to myself. Every time I am in my body as a woman, I am declaring myself untamed. I am getting back to my ground zero which is the core of all that I have lived, experienced, dreamed of and been. It is the most real me.

Does this resonate with you? Do you sometimes feel that your wildness is a thing of the past? Is your woman satisfied with predictability and routine or does she ache for spontaneity and the unknown as well? Or has she been overshadowed by other roles; the entrepreneur, the worker, the wife, the mother, the supportive friend. Maybe she has become an inauthentic version of herself.

If she’s on sabbatical, what invites her out? When does she emerge? What does your untamed and wild woman need to exist?

The loaded “s” word

This week’s topic is the loaded “s” word. It’s loaded with perceptions, images, emotions. Feelings of being it. Not being it. Wanting it. Missing it. Not knowing how to get it.

Sexy is such a funny word to me because I find it easy to identify in other women and I know how it feels but when asked to describe what it means, I find myself using cliche words like “happy” and “confident”. Sexy means everything good that we desire in our lives, really.

I know what it feels like. And I like it!

When I’m feeling sexy, I’m…

* invincible
* irresistible
* in love with myself
* fearless in the face of doom, gloom and obstacles
* able to leap tall buidlings in a single bound

I’ve had two interesting thoughts about “sexy” recently.

One is that I now realize that my sexy has taken a beating. She took a beating from an “amour fou” relationship – electric but poisonous. She took a beating from messages that she was too much, too overt. And then when I got married and my entourage of men shrunk to just one (the best of the bunch), I think my sexy shrivelled because she wasn’t getting her usual dose of validation. She felt unloved. Confused. Unwatered.

What would happen to this sexy wild child under the blissful chains of domesticity?

This hugely powerful, joyful and fearless part of myself was driven into the shadows. And I didn’t realize that she was missing. My very bad.

So the second thought became; does sexy come from within or without? If my “without” had changed, could I create this feeling of sexy myself? I didn’t want to say goodbye to this power because…

I’m not looking for male attention anymore (but I won’t say “no”!)
I’m not in my twenties
I’m not “bikini ready” this summer
My breasts may one day hang down to my knees
One day I’ll have corns and can’t wear heels anymore

My sexy makes me feel like a superhero. I want her to shine because she lifts me up so much. She is supremely fun, brazen and luscious. I am apologizing to her profusely and getting to know her again.

Interesting note; I’ve realized that, for me, feeling sexy doesn’t necessarily have to do with having just had sex, about to have sex or even wanting to have sex. Fascinating, non?

And as always, I don’t have all the answers but I got lots of questions!

I toast, with a glass of the best champagne, YOUR sexy.

My mind was blown…and other retreat stories

I have been home for two weeks from the S-Factor retreat in San Diego.

Wow.

Worth the price of admission, folks.

Yup, my mind and my heart were blown. I had experiences there that shifted something inside. Some doors opened that won’t close again.

I have this fear that it will all slip through my fingers. Trampled by my daily life routine. Suffocated by the lovely grind of motherhood. Betrayed by this feeling that the value of a day is measured in the toil, not in the joy. That each day is about getting things done, production, working hard.

Man, I’m so bored of that. It’s just not fun enough.

So many things happened at the retreat. Some things I am still digesting. But let me share two experiences with you today…

(wait, let’s order a few bottles of champagne before we start…)

One experience that really shifted my whole being was feeling perfect as myself. In myself. It was more than acceptance of all that I was (the sadness, the fear, the shyness, the fierceness, the anger, the lust), it was ADORATION. The voices were silent. No nagging. No criticism. No “you should be/do/say”. No self-doubt. Just this total peace as I wandered about, not trying to fix or change anything about me. Loving who I was. I don’t think I have felt quite like that EVER. Which is a very sad reflection, isn’t it?

And I also started a love affair with what Sheila Kelley calls my “erotic creature”. My inner dancer. My alter-ego. I saw her so clearly for the first time but I also recognized her from so long ago. And I have a feeling that knowing her and letting her be alive in my life will add so much of what I want – more adventure, more fierceness, more rebellion, more UNLEASHEDNESS. (As I write that word, I know it is exactly what I mean. )

If your curiosity is piqued, I’m glad. I will be sharing more experiences with you from the retreat as I wrap my brain around them.

In the meantime, I learned this about myself. I have so much more to learn and love about myself. I have ecstasy in me.

I can go higher.

Thank you for sharing this adventure with me.