Guilt – kicking it’s *ss in my first audio recording!

Here it is; my first audio recording. Just changing it up. Sometimes my mouth works faster than my brain so I thought this might be a good medium to try. I’m building up to video. (And to the movies, obviously.)

I chose guilt as my topic. Because every woman has it. Every woman feels it. And it is such a party-pooper. After many conversations with women about this topic, I wanted to share my thoughts and stories on the part guilt has played in my life.

We feel guilty for not being a great girlfriend. Or wife. We feel guilty for spending too much time at work. Or not enough. We feel guilty when we say “no”, don’t call back, cancel plans, feel something we shouldn’t.

In this recording, I talk about what I think guilt actually is (two energies coming together in conflict), stories from my life and how I learned to kick it’s ass. Because, trust me, we need to approach guilt with heavy artillery. Like gusto, guts, courage, determination and a sparkle of juicy magic dust.

The best thing about guilt is that it challenges our truth. It challenges our commitment to the life we want to live. It challenges our allegiance to the good girlfriend, good worker, good woman, good mother model. In other words, guilt can set us free. (When we kick it’s ass.)

Click here to listen to this recording. Enjoy. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

As always, thank you for reading.

3 secrets to prioritizing yourself

 

 

I know how it feels to be depleted. To be exhausted. To feel used up.

To be pissed off because you, like most women, spend every day running at full speed; solving problems, working, tending to other people’s needs, proving yourself at the office, managing relationships, doing errands.

You are giving your all at work, probably even if you hate it. You are packing lunches or making lunches or skipping lunches while you sit at your desk and try to squeeze one more productive hour out of you. You are driving home in traffic after a long day at the office or rushing to pick up kids at daycare and get dinner on the table. You arrive home to chaos or to bills or to worries or to an empty house or to a loud, messy and needy house. And then, at the end of the day, you feel like you should be still productive. Time to put on that sexy lingerie and make love, right? Time to work out! Get that business idea started! Open that art book or journal you’ve been meaning to work on! Go, girl, go!

But you can’t because you. are. just. done.

Exhausted woman

There is nothing left. All of you has been picked over by work, errands, “to-do’s”, business, children, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, emails, texts, phone calls, responses demanded, help demanded.

There is nothing left because you’ve given all of your time, energy and focus to everyone else and spent none of it on yourself. Is it any wonder that you are finished?

And worst of all, you have this feeling that you just need to “prioritize yourself” but HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH ELSE TO DO AND THERE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH TIME?”

I hear you. I mean, I really hear you because I’ve been there. And it sucks.

Let me help you. Here are my 3 secrets to prioritizing yourself. I mean it when I say that putting yourself at the top of your list can literally change your life.

#1. Start your day off on the right foot.
I have found that doing something first thing in the morning for myself sets me up for the day. It sends a big message to my brain saying “You are important. You have value.” It is a subtle way to re-wire my thinking and it starts the habit for the day. Don’t leave yourself until the end. That’s called collecting the crumbs from under the table. That sends the message to your brain that you come last. Honour yourself. Start the day off on YOUR foot.

So what would work for you? Waking up a bit earlier to get in a long shower? Doing 5 minutes of stretching? Listening to the music or radio station you want? Laying out your clothes, including accessories, the night before? Putting a sticky note on your mirror that says “Good morning, gorgeous!” What would work for you and allow you to start your day off with self-care and self-love?

#2. Choose you.
Unless it is an emergency, choose you. Kids are hungry and you are starving? Hand them a snack and make your plate first. Choose you. Everyone is going swimming but you’d prefer to go for a walk along the beach? They’ll survive. Go for your walk. Choose you. Husband asks you what you want for dinner? Don’t say what you think he wants. Tell him what you want. Choose you. Have an invitation to a party that doesn’t light you up at all when you think about it? Say “no”. There is always another party. Choose you. People and work and things don’t need you as much as you think they do.

Choose you. Choose you. Choose you.

#3. Leave the dishes in the sink
I know how hard this is for women who like to finish jobs, be organized, do it all right. But this is a crucial mind-shift to make. Dance and leave the dishes in the sink. Leave the mess and make yourself a cup of tea and sit outside. Ignore your emails and take a 10-minute walk around the block. Turn off the computer and take a dance break. Stop working and do something that makes you feel rejuvenated. (Entrepreneurs, this is for you!) If you wait on your pleasure until all the work is done, you will never take your pleasure. Because the work is never done. Don’t put dishes, mess, work, other people’s needs and the demands of technology above yourself.

We talk a lot about pleasure and nourishment in the JWR course. Because if we want to live juicy lives, we have to start knowing what makes us happy and then doing it. Simple words. Big juicy task.

Prioritizing yourself is not only way more fun for you but it is also the No. 1 way to decrease your anger and resentment, lower your stress, and allow you to become a glowing, relaxed, happy and vibrant woman for your family, career, partner, children and community. But mostly for yourself.

As always, thank you for reading. In the comments below, please share any tricks you’ve developed to prioritize your happiness and self-nourishment. Let’s all help each other make this big brain shift.

A love letter and request to all the mamas out there

This is a love letter and a request to all the mamas out there but the message will ring true for all women so even if you are not a mama, please read on.

What I want to say to every woman is this. You are not alone. We are the same. Different details, same challenges. Same fears. Same dreams.

When I pass mums on the street, there are generally four things that happen. The first one is, we look at each other and smile. The smile says “Hi fellow mum. Isn’t life grand?” And this is only if both of us are having a great mummy day. So, lovely but infrequent.

Secondly, there are two smiles and one at least, (me) is lying. The smile says “I’m smiling because I’m supposed to be so happy about being a mum and I don’t want you to see me not smiling because you are probably such an awesome mum that you totally love everything about it but really I want to shout my face off and run away.”

The third dynamic is when both of us are having a tough day and we pass each other in resigned silence. We both know it’s just one of those days where it’s all about making it out of the trenches by bedtime. Alive.

The fourth type of interaction is what I want to talk about today. The fourth one is when a mother passes me with an unspoken but tangible message that says “We are not alike. I am not like you. You are a MUM. And I am a woman with a baby. We are NOT the same. I am happier, sexier, more natural and generally better than you. We have nothing in common.”

And I want to run after her and shout “Do you think that I wear jogging pants all the time? Don’t you think that I still dream about dancing the night away in high heels? Don’t you know that I’m just a woman with a baby too?!”

(By this time, obviously, she is also running. Away from me.)

And when I’ve been this mum, the one who gives the attitude, what I’ve really been saying is “I can’t let you know what’s really going on so I have to pretend that everything is perfect and that I’m perfect because I just can’t let down my guard and show you what is really inside.”

Sigh. We all know how it can be so scary to tell the truth.

But if we are brave, we learn that after every truth comes freedom. That there is no freedom without truth.

So, we need to start telling the truth to each other more often. We need to think of ourselves as allies in this life, as supporters, as “lifter-uppers”, as people to lean on, as guides, as keepers of our secrets. As sisters.

As a community.

Women are still finding our legs when it comes to thinking of ourselves in community. Not as competitors. Enemies. We are still shaking off the lessons learned in high school (or wherever we started picking them up) which were more aligned with judging other girls, being bitchy, being mean and cruel and using put-downs and insults to feel better about ourselves. Even at that young age, we defended our sense of insecurity and fear, not by sharing it, but by turning around and creating it in other girls. (And by the way, if we still do this as women, how will our girls every learn that there is a better way?)

 

Sisterhood

 

We are not in high school anymore. We can now choose to see other women as potential friends. As women with stories to share. Wisdom to impart. Arms that hug. To see them as a place to put down  heavy burdens. Because we are all different but the same. We have common fears, anxieties, challenges, roadblocks. And similar dreams. Hopes. Yearnings. Desires. Longings.

So, to all the women out there, mums included, a request: let’s drop the attitude and open our hearts to all the women out there that we pass in the streets. Let’s smile and send a message of understanding, love and belonging. Because we are not alone.

(Psst, the big secret is that life is easier with more friends, not more enemies.)

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you view the community of women and what you’ve experienced around this topic.

This still surprises the heck out of me…

My life has changed.

Really changed.

And it still surprises me every day.

Because there was a point when I didn’t believe that anything could change about my life. That I didn’t have any or enough power to change my mind-set, change my day, change my life.

But I did.

And so can you.

Now, before you start rolling your eyes at yet another blog post that talks about “HOW AMAZING AND PERFECT MY LIFE IS NOW!”, I’ll let you know that in some ways, nothing has changed. I still have hard days. Unexpected challenges. Difficulties that attack my sense of self-esteem, confidence and faith in myself. I still face days that are harder to get through with fun and pleasure and set-backs that seem exhausting to recover from.

But.

But they happen less often. I recover faster from them. The negative thoughts that they bring don’t have as much power over me as they used to. And I am able to get back to the place where I really want to be more easily and with more strength.

Here are some ways my life has changed that make me very happy.

1) I experience way more fun, joy, happiness and bliss in my daily life. (Yup, I said it. Bliss, y’all!)

2) I feel very connected to my sense of sexuality. I feel that my sexual energy is with me during my day and that THERE IS MORE TO COME.

3) My patience with my kids has totally changed. Instead of operating from a place where patience was a scarce resource, I now am able to enjoy them more. Most of my anger, impatience and frustration is gone. (By the way, for the moms out there, this changed because I started to get very interested in what made ME happy, not what made them happy. Not the usual piece of advice but the only one that works.)

4) I love my life! (Again, before you throw up with all of this cheerleading, let me explain.) For the most part, when I wake up in the morning, I feel excited about my day. I have things to look forward to. My life is filled with lots of stuff I love to do. I believe again that my wildest and sweetest dreams are now possible. That the future holds more of what I want. (By the way, it used to feel like the future held nothing exciting for me except for a gradual decline into domesticity and jogging pants.)

The kicker is – my life didn’t change. I changed.

Here’s my message to you. Yes, I think the Juicy Woman Revolution course should be experienced by every woman I know because it does change your life. But that’s not my message. My message here is that if you want to change your life, you can. It is possible. You have all the power and wisdom within you to do that. If you are reaching out to people or resources or books or thinking about things differently or experimenting in your life to make it better, KEEP GOING! You can do it. You can change your life and CREATE A LIFE YOU WANT.

Our minds and hearts and souls are so powerful. When you turn them towards working for you and creating a life that fills you up, the stars are the limit. I honestly believe that.

So, whatever you are doing to change your life, don’t give up. It is possible. It is possible FOR YOU. I believe in you. Show yourself that you are worthy of a great life.

Cheers to all of us; reaching, yearning, dreaming and constantly trying.

With admiration,

Sophie

Are we really defined by our roles? What a bummer.

whoami2

 

I was sent an article a few days ago by some friends. It was titled “Our ‘mommy’ problem” by Heather Havrilesky and it talked about how being a “mommy” can be the defining element of a woman. (To read the full article, click here).

As a mother, I thought bummer. And I started to think about how unfair it was for others to see me as just a mother. And I also realized that sometimes I let that part of my life define me too. Oops.

Then I started to realize that it is not just moms who get defined by a role. It’s all of us.

We can be defined by our jobs. Works in marketing. Entrepreneur. At home mom. Working mom. Struggling entrepreneur. Wanting-to-be-an-entrepreneur. Hating the job. Loving the job. Looking for a job. Constantly at the job.

We can be defined by our relationship status. Single. Still single. Dating. Just married. Divorced. Separated. Recovering.

We can be defined by our patterns. Our past mistakes. What people think we’re like. (People who don’t really know us.)

It’s so easy to define ourselves by our roles. Our jobs.

So limiting. So boring. So not-the-full-story.

What we DO is not what we ARE. I am, by genetics, a mother, daughter and sister. I am, legally, a wife. I am, by profession, an entrepreneur.

These are just things I do. Not who I am. It’s not the jobs that light me on fire. It’s who I am.

The article fired me up so much that I immediately put pen to paper to figure out what I was, if not just wife, mother and entrepreneur.

Here’s what I wrote:

I am a creator. Dancer. Dreamer. Builder. Thinker. Philosopher. Warrior. Learner. Try-er. Comedian. Performer. Adventurer. Rebel. Hot-blooded woman. Motivator. Leader. Cry-er. Artist. Partier. Transformer. Fantasizer. Writer. Ecstasy-seeker.

I gotta tell you – just writing this list made me realize that I am so much more than my roles. And sometimes, even I forget that.

Do this exercise for yourself. It’s so much fun and very powerfully inspiring. I think it is hugely important that we see ourselves as the WOMEN we are, not the roles we play.

So, gorgeous gal, who are YOU?!

EVERY woman needs to hear this message…

Love-yourself-first

 

I’m not really interested in celebrities. But I got turned on to this video by a friend and I have watched it twice and will likely watch it again.

It is SUCH an important (and revolutionary) message to women, and about women, and how we are living our lives these days. It will speak to every woman who has ever felt that she needed to sacrifice her own happiness. Ever. For her kids. For her job. For her boyfriend. For her partner.

No, no, darling. That is not the way to do it.

I hope these ideas inspire you to make outrageous self-care a priority.

(If taking care of yourself BEFORE your job, friends, kids and husband really makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to watch this.)

 Watch it now! (You will need about 7 minutes of uninterrupted time.)

 

As always, thank you!

Sophie

Our mighty rage….and why it kicks *ss!

Kali

Today, I’d like to talk about something that women don’t talk about very much.

Our rage. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t nice. It isn’t talked about much.

Otherwise known as anger. Fury. Molten lava heated temper explosion. Storm. Super-duper uncontrollable MAD MAD MAD.

I’ve felt anger before but I have never experienced rage like I do now. Thank you, motherhood. There is something about caring for my children that brings out the sweetest and the most vile in me.

Recently, I had a very interesting insight into my rage. My rage woke up with me one morning and after breakfast, it turned to me and said “It’s on, babe.”

Woah. It wasn’t kidding.

Continue reading “Our mighty rage….and why it kicks *ss!”

When it all falls apart…

Chaos-Screaming-Woman

 

Remember that time when you were meditating to the calm voice of an Indian yogi and you were really starting to relax and (trying to ignore your children screaming upstairs) you were really able to breathe into your spleen and then (as if possessed by the devil), you shot up to sitting and shouted “SHUT UP!!!” at the top of your lungs?

Oh, wait. That was me.

Even though it really pisses me off and bums me out, I do like to be humbled and reminded that life is chaos. This was one such humbling moment. There are many.

I find that anytime I gloat in the fact that I have nailed down this magic formula of HOW TO LIVE PERFECTLY (perfectly balanced, perfectly sexy, perfectly divine, perfectly obvious, when you really think about it), life nods her head and says “yes, it really does look like you have this “life” thing down and I hope the last few weeks have been really great” and then she sticks out her foot and trips me.

Continue reading “When it all falls apart…”

I need this woman…

mama-gena-sig

I had a week where I faced a few business challenges and some moments of self-doubt and questioning. I have developed tools that allow me to get back to my centre (where all my trust, truth and courage live) but I still experience moments where the steps seem like hard work and I have to rely on faith to keep moving forward.

One of my tools is going to this woman. I found her when my daughter was about 9 months old and I realized suddenly, “oh dear, if I have to stay in this house for one more day, I am going to run away.” I realized that staying at home was not making me happy, that what my day consisted of was not making me happy.

Continue reading “I need this woman…”

A shadow of my former self…?

Recently, I have had many days where I have felt like a shadow of my former self.

As two children (including our new baby boy, Bax, born on June 27th) nap upstairs, I turn to the computer in a badly-fitting sweater, jogging pants and running shoes. Only better than my outfit is my face; tired eyes and sticking-up hair.

Beside me on the floor are my black platform stilettos, looking up at me with compassion (or is it judgement?). “Where did you go, dude?”, they seem to be gently saying.

Where, indeed.

The days of nights out dancing and riding home on my bike, sweaty and exhilarated, flirting with cute boys everywhere, sparkles, high heels, the rush of performing and being spontaneous and FREE seem to be far behind me.

Yes, some of that is because of marriage and motherhood. And some of it is because my time of being free and unencumbered is over. Work, financial obligations, stable relationships and a home have done wonders for my stability but not for my spontaneous wildness.

Have you ever had this feeling? Have you ever felt that your best times, most fun moments, most outrageous stories were behind you? That the bodacious, outrageous, brave, wild and free girl you “used to be” has left your life for Vegas with a kiss and a goodbye note?

I find that thought particularily depressing.

And it is just NOT GOOD ENOUGH for the rest of my life.

My classes, my workshops, my shows and my performances allow me to be MY FINEST. Which is why I am so eager and excited to get back to work, get back to fun and get back to my greatest self.

In my re-design of my business, I really want to offer experiences that allow women to be in the sweet spot of themselves – out of work mode, out of an age mode, out of girlfriend/wife mode, out of mother mode.

I’d love to hear about how you feel on this subject.

Do you ever feel like a shadow of your former self? Am I alone here?

And, most importantly, are there times when you feel like that wild and wonderful girl again?

Your thoughts, words, opinions and stories are helping me to create the best offerings I can so thank you, as always, for your sharing, attention and time.

Have a wonderful fall!