You got to fight…
for your right…
to feel great in your body.
It’s hard to feel good in our bodies as they are. Because if we choose to pay attention (and it’s so hard not to), there are lots of people and messages out there that tell us that we can’t feel good in our bodies. Right now. As we are.
That makes me so mad.
I’m in La Senza. Feeling good. About myself. About my body. About my life.
I find a great salesperson. She has breasts, this girl, so I figure that she is going to be my sister-in-bras. She uses words like “sexy, cleavage, push up, tight, rounded, slim”. I am ready to buy anything. Can it really be this easy?!
I try on the first one. Oops. Horrible. Erase. Delete.
I try on the second one. LAST CHANCE! Hmm, not good. But not horrible. Workable?
Hmm. Not good. Not. Good. Is it just me or are these change rooms really small? The walls are closing in on me. I’m surrounded by photos of beautiful slim girls who can probably wear everything in this store. They don’t even have a size – their size is “anything.” They are so happy prancing around in lingerie in Rio and Paris.
The lighting. Not good. Not. Good. Or….too good? Is my stomach really that fat? Wow. I am walking around feeling great in my body AND IT’S LOOKED LIKE THIS?! I have it all wrong; I shouldn’t be walking around pretending that everything is great because OBVIOUSLY IT IS NOT GOOD – LOOK IN THE MIRROR!
My brain immediately dumps all life-sustaining actions and starts working on the most important “to do” list of my life. Start exercising one hour a day as soon as I get home. Eat only veges and protein. Stop drinking. No more carbs. Discipline. Serious. Stop drinking.
Panic. Sadness. Depression. Anxiety. Disgust. Disappointment.
Yuck. F**k. F**k. F**k me. (I apologize for all this swearing in here but it really does the best job of conveying what I felt.)
Wait a gosh darn second here.
No. Not f**k me. F**k YOU! F**k YOU WORLD and La Senza! Don’t you dare rain on my parade. How dare you make me feel this way? Also, brain – SHUT UP!! You are just as bad as they are!!!
I decide to fight back. I turn away from the mirror. I close my eyes and start dancing to the party tunes playing. They are not just for beautiful models in Rio and Paris. They are for beautiful me! I Imagine myself surrounded by all my friends – loving life. Feeling loved. Cold beer in hand.
The heat of my panic cools. I breathe. I come back to myself. I think, it’s only that these bras don’t fit. There is nothing wrong with my beautiful girls and I’m going to find them a beautiful bra. And I’m going to fight to keep feeling good about this treasured vessel I walk around in.
I give my girls a love rub and blow a kiss to myself when I leave the changing room.
When I reflected on this experience, I realized that it was another classic example of brain vs body.
I was feeling great – in my body.
I was not “looking” great – said my brain.
Why was I believing my brain and not my body? Why did I trust my brain more? Why was I choosing to listen to the negative voices in my head instead of reveling in the calm confidence of my body?
If your body is telling you something beautiful and your brain is telling you something negative, make your choice. I know which one I’d go with.
And if someone is trying to rain on your parade, just say “Hells no!”.
(I have been listening to the “Cowboy Tailgate” playlist on Songza. My brain thinks the lyrics are stupid but my body loves it.)