Diaries of a retreat – Part 1/3

 

I decided to do a diary of a retreat I went on because I want to share what a retreat can be like (this particular one and my particular experience) in the hopes that I will inspire you to go on one, or at least to consider the value of investing in time away just for you. 

This is my experience of the fourth S-Factor retreat I have been on. As usual, there were moments of darkness and moments of transformation and ecstasy. They come hand in hand, it seems….

So here is Part 1. From me to you…

Diary of a retreat – Part 1/3

It’s a few days before I leave and I am, for the first time, noticing a pattern about where my thoughts are taking me. 

And now that I have noticed it, I can see it everywhere in my life. Whenever I am in a situation (or approaching one) where I am not the boss, not the leader, not the expert and I have to learn from someone else and they have control over me and I will need to show some stuff in order to grow, I go into very big resistance. If I might break down, show emotion, talk about my feelings, appear that I am not in control of everything, that I don’t know everything and that I am vulnerable and tender, just like everyone else, I freak out. 

So, with this retreat, here’s what I’m thinking.

This is definitely the last retreat I’m going on.

I don’t really like this stuff anymore.

It’s all bullshit.

I don’t agree with anything they say.

I don’t want to go anymore.

This level of resistance is totally my MO. I pretend disdain, I diminish everyone’s leadership role and expertise, I doubt every word, I roll my eyes, I tune out, I “do my own thing”, I resist, resist, resist.

Why? Why can’t my brain just say I’m worried about all of the uncomfortable and dark feelings I might have and that I don’t want people to see me as “weak” when I show my vulnerability? I don’t know why my brain doesn’t say just that. It’s so weird. My big-hearted but twisted ego wants to save me from something…wants to keep me small where she can protect me, I think.

My body has no such problem. She can’t wait to move, to dance all day, to discover, to play, to be so fully alive in herself. She’s so much fucking cooler than I am.

My final day is filled with buying travel health insurance, doing last-minute laundry (stop, stinky armpits), packing, shaving astounding amounts of body hair, filling my man in on all of the details of our daily life with two young kids, etc.

The ride in the cab as I go away can be the darkest moment. This morning, my body is flush with heat, my stomach has a ball of rolling snakes in it and my head hurts. All fear. Or mostly fear and then anticipation, excitement, panic, anxiety and probably some other stuff that I don’t even recognize. I am trying to think of Pema Chodron’s quote about how living life fully requires that you are continually tossed out of the nest as every cell in my body is screaming, GET BACK IN THE NEST! Is this normal? Is anyone else feeling this?

I notice that fear shuts down everything about me. I forget who I am, what I want, HOW I am. It is a mojo-killer.

And it is dark in the cab. The day hasn’t begun yet. I feel anxiety about going through security, making the flight – I always have a secret fear that I have the wrong time, wrong destination, wrong day. Mostly, but not exclusively, because I have done it before. (Ssshh…don’t judge.)

This time around, however, I have less “mummy’s abandoning her family” syndrome. Something has shifted but I don’t know what yet. Before I had a lot of anxiety about leaving my tribe in their cave all alone. It wasn’t guilt so much as this instinctual prerogative that my job was to be their protector and caretaker and to be there. But on this retreat, I don’t feel that. That comes as a lovely surprise. Evolution does exist.

Once I get to the airport, the gap between me in my nest and me moving towards adventure (and out of the nest) starts to feel more comfortable. I become more ready. The fear melts away from my body.

I arrive at my hotel and write this a few hours later.

I belong here! I was feeling a bit lonely – swimming in the ocean, walking along the beach, going for dinner. And then, this awesome chick, the amazing mover who knows everyone and has been around and belongs here, said “hi” to me! She recognized me! I have arrived. I garbled “hi” back and walked out the door of the hotel smiling like a crazy woman. And THEN! I introduced myself to one of the lead teachers. We talked. She knows my name now! And THEN! I introduced myself to someone else and then WE talked. And then, JUST NOW, someone I recognized and have met before said “Are you going to the retreat?” And I said “yes” and then we gave each other our names. I BELONG! I HAVE FRIENDS!

Sigh. Nothing has changed. This is a page out of my 11-year old diary.

I go to sleep excited, scared, feeling both alone and belonging. Being human is confusing.

The adventures continue in Diary of a Retreat – Part 2/3. Coming up next!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

A summer of surrender…and a fall of getting naked

Hello all,

It’s been lovely to be offline for a few weeks this summer and forced to, having both kids with me most of the summer, forget a bit about work and concentrate entirely on living.

My summer’s themes have been sunshine (a lot), surrender (spending all day with two children forces me to either surrender or fight to the death, which is exhausting), and sensuality. Not bad, not bad…

I have had moments where I’ve been amazed and inspired with my ability to find so much love and patience with them when another version of myself would have hung them up by their ankles, and then I’ve been so disheartened in those moments where iron claws of ego, perfectionism and the need to control made that impossible. So I wobbled back and forth between feeling divine (free, released, chilled out, relaxed, with the flow) and DIVINE (being the essence of what it is to feel my highest self) and then feeling like just a lowly human being after all, holding on to all this stuff that keeps me from really being free.

My greatest moments were spent on the beach, expanding into all the sensuality – the heat of the sun on my skin, the caress of a soft summer breeze, the rhythm of the waves, the feeling of the sand shifting under my body, the smell of water and fish and green in the air. Mmmm, it reminded me of how blissful I find the beach and why.

I always find the transition between summer and fall hard. On one hand, I ache for more time with no schedule, more surrender, more relaxation, one more day in the sand and on the other hand, I crave the routine, the schedule and that special feeling of energy and creation that I always get in September.

One thing that this summer allowed me to practice is releasing. Surrendering more and more. Letting go. And then letting go more. I want to get naked in my life. I am slowly letting layers slip off my skin and finding that I feel lighter and more clear with every new shed. Do the layers ever end? I don’t know. But I do know that every time I let go, everything I am, my body, my heart, my brain, my soul exhales with relief. It feels peaceful and joyful and oh, so, right.

Easy? Nope. But……that’s okay.

As the fall starts, I’m going to be talking about my October 15th retreat, which is approaching. I’m going to be talking about why it might be a good fit for what you are wanting in your life right now and my intention behind what I teach.

If one of the things that you yearn for is to let shit go, I’m right there with you. We are going to be releasing ourselves from some tightness and iron claws through movement, desires and nourishment.

A naked woman is a sight to behold. Are you ready to release yourself from the obligation of carrying stuff that doesn’t serve you? That doesn’t allow you to shine or be fully loved? That just feels so freaking heavy and tiring to hold on to? If the answer is yes, join me at the October 15th Juicy Woman Revolution full-day retreat. Let’s get naked.

Sophie xo

Can I help you make this big change in your life?

 

I have opened registration for the Juicy Woman Revolution full-day retreat on July 16th in Toronto, Canada. My intention is that every woman who comes walks away having been filled to the brim with self-love, in a body that she feels connected to and adoring of, and having experienced what it feels like to be fully expressed and fully herself. And most importantly, she’s going to leave with tools and practices to continue to feel that way in her day-to-day life.

We work in three areas: Movement and Deep Body Connection, Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman and Playing in Desires.

And we also laugh. Have fun. Eat snacks. Share. Dance. Connect. Think. Write. Relax. Slow down. And generally feel luxuriously and deeply nourished.

Are you in? I’d love for you to join me.

Which leads me to this. Women sometimes ask me, “So, what’s really changed in your life since Juicy Woman Revolution?”

So I’ve been thinking about that recently and I could make a list of the changes, big and small, that have happened in my life as a result of the work that I teach (and do myself) in the Juicy Woman Revolution.

But I wanted to make it simple. So I’ve narrowed it down to the one biggest change in my life.

I am living in my truth. Fully as me. I have never been as closely connected to myself as I am now.

What does that mean?

It means that I trust myself more than other people. I follow my own truth, even if those near and dear don’t agree with me…or have a judgement about it. I choose to nourish myself first instead of leaving it until everyone else is taken care of. I make difficult decisions and choose what feels good for me instead of what people think I should be doing…or what everyone else is doing. For example, I am not on social media. Every message out there in the world tells me that this is business suicide. But for me, being on social media feels like soul suicide –  a huge energy drain without an ounce of the juice, realness, sexiness and quality of human connection I really want. So I say no. That doesn’t mean that it’s not good for you. Or for her. Or for them. But I am not living your life or her life or their life…I am living, deliciously and authentically, my life.

I am reclaiming who I am and my life belongs to me. I am living my own revolution. 

By the way, this is hard stuff. I work at it every day. I have practices and things I do all the time to support myself in living in my truth. Because it really is going against the grain. At the Juicy Woman Revolution retreat in July, you will be developing your own practices and tools to take back into your day-to-day life to create the changes you want.

Every day, I have to make that choice. But living my life fully as me is now the only acceptable option – and I will do whatever work that is involved to keep living that way.

And you know what? The work is where the juice is.

On the flip side, there are lots of things that haven’t changed.

  • I still face unforeseen challenges and struggles.
  • I still fall back into old habits and take the easy way out.
  • I still fall down, fall apart, lose my shit, mess up, forget.
  • I still have to practice and use the tools every day. Without fail.

My life isn’t perfect. I don’t know what that would look like and I’m not interested in it. I have learned that my dream of reaching a state where the work is finished, where everything is in place just as it should be, where, finally, I have everything under control, is not going to happen. And I’m getting more and more comfortable with that idea every day. There is something in releasing that burden of perfection that feels very freeing and incredibly real.

Do you want to know what it’s like to begin to choose yourself? It’s not for the faint of heart but then again, us women are not faint of heart. We are warriors…even when we don’t believe we are.

Read what’s in store for you when you join the retreat here.

In the comments below, I’d love to know your thoughts about what it means to live in your truth. Is that something that you think about? Practice? Do?

 

 

My tools for keeping my sexy alive and happy

Gorgeous. How is your sexy doing these days? Is she alive and buzzing? Vibrant and ever-expanding? Happily bouncing along with every step you take?

Or is she numb? Asleep? Does she feel like a relic from another age? When you were young/single/happy/loved/confident/less busy….?

If so, you are not alone.

I believe that our sexy is like an orchid. She needs very particular conditions to flourish. The right temperature. The right light. The right soil. The right amount of water.

So what happens when you throw this gorgeous orchid into a world where she is pulled in a million directions, where she rushes around, wearing the many faces of employee, boss, business owner, student, girlfriend, wife, daughter, student, friend, house cleaner, mother, cook and care taker? What happens to her when you turn her speed up to 10, fill her every waking moment with tasks and a constant pressure to DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE and end her days feeling like there is still so much to do. Give her anxiety, stress, worry, self-doubt on top of that. And definitely not enough rest. Or relaxation. Fun. Self-care. Self-love. Bliss. Adventure. Sensuality.

Grow, orchid, grow!

Sigh. Poor darlings. Our orchids need some attention. They are calling out to us for help and nourishment.

I want a luscious, full, vibrant and honoured sexuality. And I work at it. Here are three of my tools for keeping my sexy alive and happy, despite it all.

#1. I constantly remind myself that wherever I am on the “sexy scale” is totally fine and allowed. And perfectly normal.

I don’t want any pressure around my sexuality. Or stress. Or expectation. I want it to add to my life, not be an additional thing that I have to “be good at”. There are so many pressures on women around their sexuality. We should be having sex x amount of times a week. We should be wearing sexy lingerie every day. We should feel like sex when we have time…or a break…or a decent offer….or a night without the kids…or whatever we think the “right” circumstances are to have it. Yuck. It can start to feel like another job.

The reality is, we are all in different places in our sexual journey and exploration. And instead of having yet another place in our lives to judge, critique and feel like failures, what would happen if we just loved where we are right now and were curious, excited and emboldened by what else we could learn about ourselves?

This idea was really highlighted by this amazing book called “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski, PhD. (By the way, I’ve got an interview lined up for us with a Toronto woman who is writing a book on female desire and pleasure. Yum. Stay tuned.)

Here’s Emily’s quote that, I believe, has the power to completely change how you feel about your sexuality.

“When you embrace your sexuality precisely as it is right now, that’s the context that creates the greatest potential for ecstatic pleasure.”

Man. Doesn’t that feel good? The pressure is off. Freedom! Thank you, Emily.

#2. I touch myself.

The more connected I am to my body, the more I can appreciate and enjoy any sensual pleasure. I touch myself a lot. In the shower. When I am stressed. When I need to get out of my head. When I feel like I need some self-love. I stroke the back of my neck. I run my fingers through my hair. I tickle my sides and run my hands up and down my thighs. It’s not about a sexual connection (always); it’s about a physical connection with my skin. It helps me to relax. It gets me out of my head. It has skyrocketed my love for my body. And it brings my readiness for pleasure up to the surface. Touch your skin. Whenever you can. Awaken it.

 

sensual woman

 

#3. I have a really big idea of what my sexuality is.

I don’t think of my sexuality as just when I have sex. It’s too narrow a definition for me and too dependent on my partner. I think of my sexuality as including self-pleasuring, fantasies and stories, reading about sex, discovering new things about myself. It includes times when I feel aroused, times when I feel my body pulsing with that energy. Flirting. Finding someone attractive. And days when I have a deep self-love and celebration of myself. That is a sexy energy for me.

I define what I want my sexuality to be and to feel like.

We get to that sensual part in our Juicy Woman Revolution class. When we are in the dark, when we are alone in a room full of other women and when the music rushes over us, we begin to feel our unique juice. It begins to awaken. To stir. To rise. This is one of the most powerful experiences in the class. If you are ready to really reclaim your sexuality for yourself, consider joining us for the next session of the Juicy Woman Revolution course starting on October 8th. Registration closes on October 1st. You can register and read all of the details here.

Psst. If you are interested in the idea of turning up your sexy, keep your eyes open for my brand-new e-course – “Wake up, unblock and reclaim your sexy”. I am beyond excited about it and creating it right now with a planned release of January 2016. Stay tuned!

Bring me your sh*t

That title is so provocative! Mmm….me lovey.

There’s a back-story to this title.

I’ve been thinking about what I “want” women to bring to my classes. I used to borrow what I had heard in yoga classes and ask students to leave everything at the door. To be in class, free from their daily worries and stresses.

But as my experience deepened with the Juicy Woman Revolution course, I changed my mind. I started to feel that most women (myself included) needed a place to bring their shit. To express their emotions. Their anger. Sadness. Exhaustion. Vulnerability. Grief. Questioning. Challenges. I started to feel that if every place we spent time in didn’t want us to “bring our shit”, then we’d never have a place to be truthful. To express how we really felt. To be real.

In essence, it’s like living in a fantasy land where we only express the “good” emotions; positivity, optimism, love, joy, confidence, happiness, etc. Gag me with a spoon. I mean, those emotions are just half of the circle, aren’t they?

If we don’t have a place to express those “bad” or “dark” emotions, where do they go? I know they yearn to be expressed because I know what it feels like to express them and what other women experience when they let them be expressed.

It feels like freedom.

Actually, we do express these “bad” emotions. We cry when we are sad (or frustrated or happy or angry). We yell when we are angry. We darken and contract when we are grieving. We are total bitches when we feel resentful, overdrawn, exhausted and used up. And yet, there is something about this kind of expression that still traps our emotions in the body. They get stuck there like pellets of ice. Hard, unforgiving, unmovable.

I believe that we need to express our emotions physically. And that by doing that, we allow them to be acknowledged. And seen. And heard. And released.

It’s not about fixing them. But when our emotions are allowed to move through our bodies as we dance, when they get a chance to say what they need to say, when they are heard and seen, they change.

They shift.

They don’t need to be cured. They need to be heard.

And the way we leave class is not the way we came into it.

Don’t leave your shit at the door and then pick it up on your way out. Bring me your shit. Bring it right onto your mat. Dance in it. Feel it. Let it flow through you.

Psst. Because when you bring your shit, you also bring your glory. And that, my friend, is a helluva party.

Look for the next session of the Juicy Woman Revolution course starting Fall 2015.

Why I use THIS word to describe my sexuality

There are two words that have become part of my lexicon that, even a few years ago, would have warranted an eye-roll from me. Or seven.

Goddess.

Sacred.

The idea of the Goddess was so airy-fairy, so dripping with yuck, so reminiscent of patchouli and underarm hair that I dismissed the word absolutely. It was only later that I connected the word to an honour, a celebration and a divine right for every woman to be.

Sacred had the same associations for me until I started to realize that by not treating anything in my life as sacred, I was allowing it to be desecrated. When I started to think of things as being sacred, they became things that I wanted to protect. Things I wanted to nourish and provide for. Things I believed in.

And now that I look back on my life, I see that I was expecting for someone else to treat me like a goddess. For someone else to make me feel sacred. I didn’t feel powerful or worthy enough to claim those words for myself. I didn’t understand yet that it was up to me to choose it first.

I now consider my sexuality sacred. But I didn’t always.

 

Continue reading “Why I use THIS word to describe my sexuality”

Man, is this afterglow legal?!

 

After last Friday’s graduation party from the first “Juicy Woman Revolution” course, I went to bed at 2:00am, got up at 6:00am and then drove with my daughter about an hour and a half to spend the day with my parents. I spent the drive flying high from the night before and crying to “The Sound of Music”. Yes, part of it was the exhilaration that comes from being exhausted but most of it was what I had seen and experienced at our graduation celebration.

IMG_1773
A poster from graduation night

We pulled over at Tim Horton’s and I wrote these notes to capture what I was feeling;

  • so full of joy and positivity
  • major mind-blowing afterglow
  • drenched in perfection
  • gratitude
  • so connected
  • my cup overfloweth
  • so sunk in myself
  • at peace
  • no voices, no criticism
  • total non-dependence on outside stuff to satisfy because the inside is so complete and fulfilled

It was a glorious night where I was surrounded by women who were so open to the joy of being themselves, so supportive of every other women and everyone got to experience how beautiful and powerful they are.

It was like being in another reality. A reality where yes, we could feel gorgeous, just as we are. We could be fearless, we could be EXACTLY OURSELVES. And not just in an acceptance kind of way but in a fucking celebratory and shout to the skies kind of way!

IMG_1775

Now, you might be thinking, “they must be special women that could do that. That could just let go and be themselves”.

You’re right. They are special women. Just like YOU are a special woman. These women started the journey at the beginning, just like the new registrants of the April-June session will. With all of their hopes and dreams and fears and vulnerabilities and resistance and courage and beauty. Their secret weapon was that they wanted more. And that paved the path for all that followed.

If you’d like to experience the strong, powerful, free and sexy woman inside of you (trust me, she’s there), join us at the next “Juicy Woman Revolution” course starting at the end of March.

Read what women are saying about the course. Email me with any questions you have. Or check out all of the details here and register for the Monday morning or Thursday night class now.

Wishing you some major afterglow in your life soon. Wherever it comes from. It’s so damn good!

 

Meet your most fearless, confident and pure self

“She does what she wants and never anything to impress or please. She dances in the shadows when she wants and on centre stage when she wants. Her body is made for pleasure and she curves and rolls and reaches and mesmerizes. She is ice cold and fire hot. She is untouchable. Untameable. Unknowable.”

These are some of the notes I made at the S-Factor retreat in January 2014, almost a year ago. They were notes made about my EC, my erotic creature (as Sheila Kelley defines the “feminine body” all women have). I remember having such a clear idea of who my EC was. Once I was ready to see and feel her, she took shape in an effortless and magical way. I questioned nothing about her; she was my perfect fit.

When I tapped into her (with the benefit of the time and space that retreat allowed me), she had an instant effect on me. Anxieties disappeared. The thought of apologizing for anything was gone. Self-doubt, questioning my actions, thinking about what I should do instead of what I wanted to do seemed like an ancient and forgotten way of being. My deep core confidence was both as light as a feather and as unalterable as a mountain. She was unshakeable. I was unshakeable. Pure magic. A deep love affair.

Seeing her, really seeing who she was, was one of the greatest moments during that retreat and had a lasting and powerful effect on me. I was so inspired to keep her with me, to give her what she needed to show up more often in my life. I wanted her to be a strong presence in my life and, therefore, to change it.

Let me ask you, who is your “erotic creature?” Do you know her? If you are like me, maybe you lost track of her as your energy got directed everywhere else (really, everyone else) except within.

She won’t come out if you just call her. She requires time and space to be known. She is not likely to be your outward personality, the facade you put on at parties or social events. She’s not likely to be who your friends think she is – although she might have some elements, if they know you well. She might not even be who you want her to be. But she will be the purest and most fearless essence of yourself. And when you wake her up, that confidence and fearlessness will start to pulse through your “real” life as well.

She is not in your brain. You can’t think her alive. You have to feel her alive. Move her alive. She is in your cells, your soul and your spirit. She is in your body; all it’s curves and stories and moments and tears and heights and depths and passion and despair.

When does she show herself? I have found her most easily when I dance. When I dance for myself, in my own moves, being guided by my own feelings and emotions.

When you move in meditation, with music that fits you, she’ll come out. When you feel free to feel anything you want – your lust, your shyness, your anger, your coldness, your aggression, your sweetness – she’ll come out. She is your core sensual essence, your intrinsic nature, your quintessential soul, stripped clean of anything that tarnishes and devalues her. She has a fearlessness that blows away self-doubt, expands your spirit, blows your mind and makes you feel FINALLY AT HOME.

If you listen for her, she’s there. All the women joining me next year in the inaugural Juicy Woman Revolution Course will have the honour of meeting her perhaps for the first time or of re-aquainting themselves with her.

In further news, I will be taking a break from these letters over the holidays to just unplug and have mad fun. My most juicy best to everyone over the holidays and here’s to a bubbly, inspirational, diamonds-in-the-sky and magic-is-possible New Year’s. I look forward to our adventures in 2015. And thank you very much for all of your emails and support and attention this year. I am honoured.

Sophie

 

I want YOU!

Okay, here it is. The hard sell.

I want you to join my course in January.

I want you to have an opportunity to experience a different way of being. I want you to feel amazing about yourself and your life. I want us to help each other to create a new lifestyle where we adore who we are and how we do things, we create our own lives (not lives determined by all those unspoken rules or what other women do or what we think we should do) and we fill it up with tons of fun and pleasure.

All the details of the course are here.

Here are the basics:

1) There are two classes. One on Thursday nights and one on Monday mornings. They both start in early January. They both cost $150 plus HST.

2) They are two hours long and run for 8 weeks.

3) We spend two hours a week in class, plus some thought-provoking and fun homework outside of class, moving our bodies. Connecting to our inner dancer. Feeling amazing. Increasing our confidence. Living in our beauty. Dumping some old bullshit and re-filling the tank with gorgeousness and light. Changing how we feel about ourselves, our lives and the world. We start to replace negative, hurtful, judgemental, limiting, damaging and all together unpleasant thoughts with ideas and practices that fill us with love, fuel our souls and allow us to go higher.

This course is for you if;

The way you are living your life isn’t filling you up. Isn’t satisfying you. Isn’t allowing you the space to dream, to desire, to reach, to enjoy, to relish in yourself.

Frankly, one day just blends into the next and you sometimes think, “Is this all there is?”

You think you are supposed to be happy because you have it all (or everything you thought you wanted) but you still feel like there’s something missing.

Your heart is broken. Your spirit is broken. You need some major self-love healing. You need an intense shot of Vitamin Confidence. Your self-esteem is under attack or is bruised and tender.

You want more. You are pissed off and bitter about how much you give to other people and you want yours back.

You can’t believe that you have been living in a body that you have never loved and you think, oh my god, will I hate my body forever? (And that thought really makes you sad and pisses you off.)

You want to feel higher. Lighter. Happier. More joyful. More hopeful. More creative. More confident. More magnetic. More fun. More energetic. More able to let go of anger, blame, guilt and bitterness.

You miss the old you. The single you. The dating you. The in-love you. The happy you. The confident you. (Psst, she’s still there!)

You want to feel HOT. You want to feel SEXY. You want to feel desire bubbling up in your veins again. You want to get your mojo back.

You want to feel differently inside your body. You want to feel powerful. Beautiful. Accepting. Brave. Peaceful. Gorgeous. Worthy.

Oh yeah, baby. This stuff is THAT good.

Take a chance. Try it out. Email me at sophie@juicywomanrevolution.com with any questions you have. Any.

And to wrap this up, here is a completely irrelevant but cheekily cheerful poster I saw recently. Just to give you a little twinkle in your eye today!

sexy imagination

 

What I hear A LOT from women…

You_Are_Beautiful_by_Tiggular

Here’s what I hear a lot from women when I send out an email about a workshop I’m having. You know, one of those sexy workshops.

“Sophie, I would love to some day but I’m just not ready yet.”

“I’m trying to lose some weight and when I do, I’ll totally come.”

“I don’t have anyone in my life right now.”

“I’m just too tired. I don’t have time.”

“When I’m feeling braver, I’ll come.”

Bah, I say. BAH!

It breaks my heart and makes me mad at the world that women should feel that there is a “perfect” time to express and pay attention to their sensuality. (By the way, I’m going to use sensuality to mean all of our sexual and sensual energies. Sexual is so limited; sensual embraces all possible pleasures. Which just sounds so much more divine, non?!)

Our sensual self is there. Here. All the time. She is there when we have bellies that roll over the top of our jogging pants. She is there when we are buzzing with lust, strutting in high heels, falling in love. She is there when we feel awkward. Shy. Shameful. When we don’t know how to say what we want to say. She is there when we feel like we will never desire again. Never feel anything again. She is there when we are trying to recover from an injustice. A violation of the worst kind. A rejection. A hurtful comment from a lover. She is there when we are the “perfect” weight. She is there afterwards. And before. She is there after we have a baby, an injury, a surgery and we’re facing new bodies. She is there when we are exploding with pleasure. She is there when no-one else is. She is still there when we feel too old to live as a sensual woman. When we feel that we are too married. Too damaged. Too unworthy. She is there when we are tired, depleted, at rock bottom, sad, angry and lost.

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