I can’t teach you…or me…this

 

When I started this business, I had this idea, perhaps unspoken but there, that I would teach a way to reach perfection. I would teach my way to reach perfection. Learn what I know, do it my way and the result of your hard work will be that you will be forever perfect! Sheltered from the storms. Fitter. Thinner. More beautiful. Happier. Cleaner. With glowy skin and white teeth and everything you have ever wanted.

(By the way, if you want a soundtrack while you are reading this, I recommend Bon Iver, “I can’t make you love me”.)

You will be finished. Done. Complete.

Except that, even though I did this work-o-mine, stuff kept on happening to me. Feeling lost. Failure. Shame. Challenges that seemed endless and unsurmountable. I lost weight. Gained weight. Got fitter. Got unfitter. Long hair, short hair, danced in the ecstasy of being fully fucking alive and then drowned in heart-pulling tears in my bathtub. I was up, I was down…I didn’t know where the fuck I was.

So….problem. If I was doing all of this right stuff, then how come shit kept on happening to me? Was there no guarantee? Was there to be no place reached where I had finally made it and didn’t need to worry about that pesky business of being a messy human? Was NOT THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT to learn (and then to teach) how to live a life free from all of that crap, holding it back with the right movement, tools, mantras, blah blah blah?

And if that wasn’t the whole point, if that wasn’t what this work could give me (and what I could promise to others), then…ummm….what the fuck?!

What was I doing, really? With my moving and my dancing and my body connection and my devotion to pleasure and sensuality and my own flavour of sexuality and my blah blah blah? If I wasn’t SOLVING THE PROBLEM OF LIFE, what was I doing? And if I couldn’t tell women that I could SOLVE THEIR PROBLEM OF LIFE, why would anyone care about what I did?

(Insert months of thinking here…and by thinking I mean crying, drinking red wine, dancing, swearing, writing, breaking down while dancing and hot baths.)

So, here’s the thing. I don’t solve the problem of life. It took me a long time to realize this but now I know for realsies that stuff will always happen. (Please don’t laugh at me, I am sometimes a very slow learner.) I will lose people I love. Maybe in a nice way. Maybe in a tragic way. I will forever face new challenges and some will feel like they will break me. I will have problems in my relationships. I will have distances between myself and my children….I may struggle to know how to love them. I may go through periods where I feel shut down. Where I am very very sad. Or very very tired. Or very very unsure of myself, my work and the world.

This I know is true. I cannot solve your problem of life. I cannot solve my problem of life. Mostly, because it’s impossible. And also, because I don’t want to.

And I also know this. I will go through this life fully alive and fully creative. I will rock myself back and forth with tears as all the truth spills out of me. I will face my inner voice, calling to me. I will write out my rage and dance in my anger. I will face what comes with all of me awake and alive and real. I will open up my body and my heart and my soul to my greatest pain and let it have it’s way with me. I will do this because I want to be fully alive and fully creative in my life – not just the easy parts but all of it.

I will let those hard parts break me apart. I will try to open into them, I will try to breathe, I will dance in my tears, I will move my truth, I will leave no stone unturned. I will grow deeply into myself. I will feel what comes out, what I become out of the ashes. I will try my best to face my life not as something to be conquered but something to be faced with my naked courage and rawness. I will try not to hide from it. I will try not to let things shut me down, turn me to rock, make me hard and joyless.

I will try every day to do this. And this, THIS is the work I do. I can’t solve all of your problems or make the bad stuff go away or shelter you from the gut-wrenching joys and pains of life. But I can help you, me, us, go through this life fully alive, fully creative, fully ourselves and FULLY TURNED ON no matter what is happening.

Please join me for my marketing workshop titled “My business will definitely NOT solve your life problems”. Grab a spot NOW because it’s sure to sell out! (I’m joking.)

Thank you. For reading this. For caring. For thinking and living every day of your life with your dreams and hopes and failures and wisdom and triumphs and learning and hard and beautiful moments. Even when we feel isolated and alone, we really are all in this together. xo

 

Extend your after-glow….miaow…..!

 

By after-glow, I mean that super-delicious feeling that comes after you’ve done something you are proud of. A first. Or a really good. Or just something you dived into, even though you were terrified. Or anything that you did (or that was done to you….mmmm….) that made you. feel. good.

I’ve found that I can either cut the legs off my after-glow so it quickly disappears (what a waste) or I can find ways to extend it and to allow myself to enjoy the positivity as much as possible in my body, heart and mind.

A story…

Last year, I had my first official talk about the Juicy Woman Revolution. I decided to talk about Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman, because I love that work for myself and I think it’s a really powerful and effective tool for women to break through a lot of negative shit.

So, I walked into a room full of women waiting to hear from me. I stuck to my script. I improvised. I did some movement work and some talk. It went well. And most importantly, I had done it.

My first JWR talk in front of people.

Afterwards, I got back in my car and started the drive home. And this is what happened.

  • did they like it?
  • did they get it?
  • I don’t think they liked it
  • Nobody said anything
  • I should have done that part first
  • I wish I hadn’t said that
  • Oh my god, did they think it was revolutionary or were they looking at me, writing grocery lists in their heads?

And I noticed that it was, somehow, my default to not dwell on the positive (You Did It!) but to immediately jump into where I could have done it better.

No, darlings. Absolutely no. I cannot and will not abide it.

So, I waved my magic wand (keeping most of my eyes on the road, of course) and made a deliberate choice to completely change what my default was by creating a new ritual.

In other words, Hell No, Not Up In Here!

So, instead, I spent the drive home thinking about all of the positive things that happened. And feeling proud of myself. I committed to enjoying my success (You Did It!) for one week. I ordered flowers to be delivered (even though my florist lives, literally, 3 minutes from my house) with a card that said “Congratulations!” (and other mushy stuff).

And then, when I had thoroughly enjoyed my after-glow, I went over the evening and thought about what I had learned and what I might do differently next time.

This is also what I do now after my retreats or events. I don’t read any of the feedback or go over any notes for a few days – until I am fully saturated with all of the good stuff that happened.

So, I am throwing down the gauntlet. What have you done recently (or are doing now) that you can use as practice in extending your after-glow? What ways can you find to completely and utterly enjoy the success of something you have done? How can you allow yourself a few days of just being absolutely thrilled with yourself? No criticisms. No judgements. No should have done this instead. No negative mind chatter.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you celebrate (or not) the good things you’ve done…or any ideas you have to extend the sacred after-glow.

What you can expect from me

I am so honoured that you take the time to read my emails because I know you have a MILLION THINGS TO DO. With that in mind, I wanted to let you know what you can expect from me going forward…

First, a brief recap…

I started my dance business in the early 2000’s and spent the next 10 or so years building it up. I spent the first year asking my landlord for extensions on my rent, working endlessly on the business and having the really uplifting experience (many times) of developing and promoting a class, only to have one person arrive. But I kept on going and I started to develop a following that grew and my business became successful.

Cue marriage and kiddies.

After the birth of my daughter, I suddenly realized that I hated being at home. I loved being with Daisy and I hated being at home. It made me depressed, resentful and very angry. It was around that time that I fell in love with Mama Gena because she talked about all the things that I was so desperate for; passion, pleasure, fun, feeling fulfilled, putting myself first and getting in touch with my desires.

The next time I got pregnant, I figured that I would use the time to take a good look at my business and figure out what I wanted to change. Now I wanted to direct the ship more consciously and I wanted more from my business; more excitement, more success, more fun and I also wanted to spend less time on it. I signed up for an online business course with Marie Forleo called “B-School” and got totally re-ignited about owing and running a business.

Along the way, I really thought about how my life had changed. After so many years of intense creativity, extreme fun, brunches with girlfriends on patios, dancing the nights away, smooches and tingles galore, it felt like all my fun was behind me.

Was I going to be braver, have more fun, be more excited, feel joyful and glorious or was I going to fade away?

And even though my heart was filled with so much love for my man and my two kids, there were things missing. I missed adventure. I missed being crazy. I missed feeling exhilarated. I missed walking into a bar and knowing that I was going to have an AWESOME NIGHT! I missed having a life that was built around MY PLEASURE.
Spending my day preparing meals, taking care of babies and being homebound was not a substitute.

Why had things changed? Was it marriage? Was it motherhood? Was it age? Was it the natural course of life?

BAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

I decided that this re-design of my business was going to be about offering experiences to woman who want what I want. In short, I would be a test subject in my own market research and I was going to figure out how to get back what I was craving.

Because I wasn’t going to be satisfied until my life after marriage and kids* was AS FULFILLING TO ME as my life before them.

* I don’t think you have to be married or have kids to wish you had more in your life – more of what makes you glow, more of what makes you excited, more of what makes you happy and joyful, more…

So here’s what you can expect from me. I will send out emails about things I learn, adventures I have, questions I ask and the honest and funny things that happen to me. I will also send out news about classes I am teaching, as they happen. I will continue to use dance as my method because I think it is what brings women closest to their joy, their hearts and their desires.

If you’d like to continue on with me, you don’t need to do anything at all. And I thank you so much for your generosity of spirit.

If this new focus doesn’t add to your life now, you can unsubscribe in this email with just a click of a button and I wish you love, fun and happiness. Thank you so much for all of your time and caring and support.

If there is a woman in your life that you think might want to join us on this crazy adventure, please forward her this email. Thank you.

And now a word from our sponsors.

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